我是个多么不称职的家伙啊!但是,亲爱的,在这件事之后我要更值得你去爱。
今天,我寄给你三大包带壳的可可子,收到之后请告诉我一声。
我的妹妹勃比明天就走了。
我今天签署了《都柏林人》一书的出版合同。
请代我向斯坦尼道歉,因为我没有给他写信。
我亲爱的高贵的娜拉,我请求你原谅我那可鄙的行为。但是,亲爱的,夹在他们之间使我失去了理智。亲爱的,我们将挫败他们那些可鄙的阴谋。亲爱的甜心,你将会原谅我,是吗?
最亲爱的人儿,对我说一句话吧,哪怕说一句否认的话,我都会欣喜若狂!
你觉得好些了吗,亲爱的?你不再烦恼了,是吗?不要再去看我写给你的那些可怕的信,当时我在狂怒之下失去了理智。
现在我必须赶到邮政总局去,我要赶在邮件发走之前将信寄出。现在已经是午夜1点多钟了。
晚安,“我亲爱的宝贝”。
我想,没有一个男人可以配得上女人的爱。
亲爱的,原谅我吧!我爱你,正因为如此,一想到你和那个粗俗、不幸的家伙在一起,我就快要疯掉了。
亲爱的娜拉,我非常谦卑地向你道歉。再一次将我搂入你的怀中吧!让我更配得上你的爱。
不过,我会成功的,那时你会站在我这一边。
晚安,“我最亲爱的”,“我的宝贝”。现在,全部的生活向我们敞开了,这虽然是一场苦涩的经历,但是我们的爱情将会更加甜蜜。
把你的双唇给我,亲爱的。
“此刻我的吻带来宁静,
安抚了你的心,
继续在这宁静中安睡吧!
啊,你这颗动荡不安的心。”
吉姆
1909年8月19日
James Joyce
To
19th August 1909
My darling;
I am terribly upset that you haven't written。 Are you ill?
I have spoken of this affair to an old friend of mine; Byrne; and he took your part splendidly and says it is all a “blasted lie”。
What a worthless fellow I am! But after this I will be worthy of your love; dearest。
I sent you three enormous bags of shell cocoa today。 Tell me if you get them right。
My sister Poppie goes away tomorrow。
Today I signed a contract for publication of Dubliners。
Excuse me to Stannie for not writing to him。
My sweet noble Nora; I ask you to forgive me for my contemptible conduct but they maddened me; darling between them。 We will defeat their cowardly plot; love。 Forgive me; sweetheart; won't you?
Just say a word to me; dearest; a word of denial and O I shall be so transported with happiness!
Are you well; my darling? You are not fretting; are you? Don't read over those horrible letters I wrote。 I was out of my mind with rage at the time。
I must go down now all the way to the G。 P。 O。 to post this as the post has gone here。 It is after one at night。
Good night, “my precious!”
No man; I believe; can ever be worthy of a woman's love。
My darling; forgive me。 I love you and that is why I was so maddened only to think of you and that mon dishonorable wretch。
Nora darling; I apologize to you humbly。 Take me again to your arms。 Make me worthy of you。
I will conquer yet and then you will be at my side。
Good night “my dearest”; “my precious”。 A whole life is opening for us now。 It has been a bitter experience and our love will now be sweeter。
Give me your lips; my love;
“My kiss will give peace now,
And quiet to your heart。
Sleep on in peace now;
O you unquiet heart。”
Jim
尤金·奥尼尔致比阿特丽斯·阿茜(1)
尤金·奥尼尔(1888-1953),美国戏剧家,对美国戏剧改革运动作出重要贡献。其作品反映了美国的社会问题,主要剧作有《天外天》、《安娜·克里斯蒂》、《哀悼》等。1936年,奥尼尔获诺贝尔文学奖。
我的宝贝:
我再一次回到了老地方,比以前觉得更孤单和伤感。我不得不离开你,这真令人难以忍受。我真诚地向上帝祈祷,愿不久以后人们不再受相思之苦的煎熬,生活不再如此可怕,充满痛苦。啊,我的宝贝,我的宝贝,我是多么爱你啊!我们分开时,那无情的时光拖着沉重的步伐,这是多么难熬啊!
我回想起昨天晚上那充满魅力的你。然后,从无比孤独的内心深处发出呻吟,传达了我巨大的愿望:“唉!让我们,让我们只拥有昨天吧!”
对我来说,生活已经成为幻影,只剩下两种真实——你以及我对你的爱。其他的一切都是幻觉的、模糊的阴影,它们是毫无意义的、徒劳的烦恼。我的存在只在你身上体现,只有当我从你的眼里看到自己的形象时,我才能容忍自己。在你那双灰色的、像一泓秋水的眼眸里,这位纳西索斯看见了他自己,自我欣赏,并且为自己出现在那里而感到自豪。
“特帕雷里是如此遥远”,我的生日离现在似乎还有千千万万个年头。那时,我将再次感受你那温柔而热烈的双唇,我可以用我那无望的呼声震撼天地,面对命运愤怒地咬碎钢牙(取决于你),但这有什么用呢?时间过得如此之慢。让我再一次拥抱你吧,啊,亲爱的!啊,你是天底下最可爱的女人。深深地吻你!晚安。
1914年10月6日,星期二晚
今天辛苦了一天。早上,贝克把他让我们改编的故事还给了我们。他要求我们写一个剧本提纲,要我们必须在动手写剧本之前将提纲交给他。我立即着手,已经写了大约1 000个字。贝克在我的写作中插入如此多的“不要”,因此写起来相当困难——至少对于提纲来说是如此。他指责有些小说的出版是为了商业目的,我认为,在某些情况下,他的指责是有失公允的。我给了他一本我的书,他说他会十分高兴地看一遍。还有一个和我一起学习的同伴问我哪里可以买到我的书,我想他大概想了解我是一个什么档次的戏剧家。但是,不用说,我感到有些不安。
傍晚时分去游泳了。我所去的那个基督教青年会游泳池比大学里的游泳池好,人也不是很多。我打算整个冬天都坚持游泳,这肯定能让我恢复以前的活力。
我计划明天下午去体育馆观看盛演不衰的哈佛戏剧《华盛顿与杰弗逊》。这应该是个好节目。
刚才一直在思念上个星期我们偎依在一起的时光。这个世界就像个小丑,它滑稽的表演不断地减少我的快乐,而非增加我的快乐。在那之前的一个晚上,我紧紧搂着你的腰!我知道你也没有忘记这些!亲爱的人儿,我们至少共同拥有过去愉快的记忆,这也预示了美好的未来。回忆总是甜蜜的,非常甜蜜,甜蜜中弥漫着你那可爱的个性,我的宝贝。我们肯定拥有共同的未来,这些足以弥补现在上帝疏忽的过失。但是,但是,主啊,等待是多么艰难啊!我试着镇定地对待这件事,还希望用忍耐哲学来助我一臂之力,但这些都没有用。我需要你!我需要你!我需要你!亲爱的小蜜蜂,我亲爱的小蜜蜂,我是多么多么爱你啊!小爱人,我的小爱人,我是多么爱慕你啊!
然而现在,唉,在我这么需要你的时候,你却在一个远离我的世
界——
“我是一名王子,
我的喜悦被压抑着,
欲望也得不到满足。”
从今晚开始还有一周——令人发狂的想念!
吉恩
1914年10月9日,星期五
Eugene O'Neill 。 想看书来
尤金·奥尼尔致比阿特丽斯·阿茜(2)
To
Tuesday Night; October 6;1914
My Own;
Here I am back at the old dump once more feeling more lonely and heartsick than ever。 It sure is hard to have to leave you this way; and I am fervently praying to all the Gods that the time will soon e which will bring surcease of all these soulaches which make life so horrible and full of pain。 Ah My Own; My Own; how I love you; and how the relentless hours drag their leaden feet when I am not with you!
I am thinking of last night and of all the wonder which is you; and my great desire moans from the depths of its abysmal aloneness。 “Give us; ah; give us but yesterday!”
Life has bee for me a phantom show in which there are but two realities—you and my love for you。 All else is misty shadow of illusion; vain fretting most valueless。 I exist as I am reflected in you。 I can only endure myself when I see my image in your eyes—in their gray pool does this Narcissus see himself; and admire; and feel so proud to be there。
“It's a long; long way to Tipperary” and countless aeons before my birthday when I shall again feel your soft warm lips on mine。 I could shake the skies with my fruitless cries; gnash my sharp (according to you) teeth with my rage at fate—but what's the use? Time will pass however slowly; and again I shall hold you in my arms; O Dear One; O Most Adorable of All Women。 A long kiss! Good night。
Friday; October 9;1914
Have worked pretty hard today。 Baker gave us back the stories he wishes us to adapt this morning and requested us to write a scenario which we must hand in before we start on the play itself。 I started right in and have written about a thousand words of mine already。 Baker has injected so many “don'ts” into the work that it is fraught with difficulty to say the least。 He lit into some of the stories for fair; rather unjustly; I thought; in some cases。 I gave him a copy of my book and he said he would be glad to look it over。 Another one of my fellow studies asked me where he could buy a copy。 I think he sort of wants to get my number as a playwright; but; won't tell; I should fret。
Went for a swim late this
Expect to go out to the Stadium to see death old