s not do； try to change the conversation； by saying； with goodhumor； “We shall hardly convince one another； nor is it necessary that we should； so let us talk of something else。”
Remember that there is a local propriety to be observed in all panies； and that what is extremely proper in one pany may be； and often is； highly improper in another。
The jokes； the bonmots； the little adventures； which may do very well in one pany； will seem flat and tedious； when related in another。 The particular characters； the habit； the cant of one pany may give merit to a word； or a gesture； which would have none at all if divested of those accidental circumstances。 Here people very monly err； and fond of something that has entertained them in one pany； and in certain circumstances； repeat it with emphasis in another； where it is either insipid； or； it may be； offensive； by being illtimed or misplaced。
Nay； they often do it with this silly preamble：“I will tell you an excellent thing；” or； “I will tell you the best thing in the world。” This raises expectations； which； when absolutely disappointed； make the relator of this excellent thing look； very deservedly； like a fool。
If you would particularly gain the affection and friendship of particular people； whether men or women； endeavor to find out their predominant excellency； if they have one； and their prevailing weakness； which everybody has； and do justice to the one； and something more than justice to the other。 Men have various objects in which they may excel； or at least would be thought to excel； and though they love to hear justice done to them； where they know that they excel； yet they are most and best flattered upon those points where they wish to excel； and yet are doubtful whether they do or not。 As for example： Cardinal Richelieu； who was undoubtedly the ablest statesman of his time； or perhaps of any other； had the idle vanity of being thought the best poet too： he envied the great Corneille his reputation； and ordered a criticism to be written upon the Cid。 Those； therefore； who flattered skillfully； said little to him of his abilities in state affairs； or at least but en passant； and as it might naturally occur。 But the incense which they gave him—the smoke of which they knew would turn his head in their favor— was as a bel esprit and a poet。 Why？—Because he was sure of one excellency； and distrustful as to the other。 txt小说上传分享
切斯特菲尔德勋爵（4）
You will easily discover every man' s prevailing vanity by observing his favorite topic of conversation； for every man talks most of what he has most a mind to be thought to excel in。 Touch him but there； and you touch him to the quick； The late Sir Robert Walpole （who was certainly an able man）was little open to flattery upon that head； for he was in no doubt himself about it； but his prevailing weakness was； to be thought to have a polite and happy turn to gallantry—of which he had undoubtedly less than any man living。 It was his favorite and frequent subject of conversation； which proved to those who had any penetration that it was his prevailing weakness； and they applied to it with success。
Women have； in general； but one object； which is their beauty， upon which； scarce any flattery is too gross for them to follow。 Nature has hardly formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible to flattery upon her person； if her face is so shocking that she must； in some degree； be conscious of it； her figure and air； she trusts； make ample amends for it。 If her figure is deformed； her face； she thinks； counterbalances it。 If they are both bad； she forts herself that she has graces； a certain manner； a je ne scais quoi still more engaging than beauty。 This truth is evident； from the studied and elaborate dress of the ugliest woman in the world。 An undoubted； uncontested； conscious beauty is； of all women； the least sensible of flattery upon that head； she knows it is her due； and is therefore obliged to nobody for giving it her。 She must be flattered upon her understanding； which； though she may possibly not doubt of herself； yet she suspects that men may distrust。
Do not mistake me； and think that I mean to remend to you abject and criminal flattery： no； flatter nobody's vices or crimes： on the contrary； abhor and discourage them。 But there is no living in the world without a plaisant indulgence for people's weaknesses； and innocent； though ridiculous vanities。 If a man has a mind to be thought wiser； and a woman handsomer； than they really are； their error is a fortable one to themselves； and an innocent one with regard to other people； and I would rather make them my friends by indulging them in it； than my enemies by endeavoring （and that to no purpose） to undeceive them。
There are little attentions； likewise； which are infinitely engaging； and which sensibly affect that degree of pride and selflove； which is inseparable from human nature； as they are unquestionable proofs of the regard and consideration which we have for the persons to whom we pay them。 As for example： to observe the little habits； the likings； the antipathies； and the tastes of those whom we would gain； and then take care to provide them with the one； and to secure them from the other； giving them genteelly to understand； that you had observed they liked such a dish or such a room； for which reason you had prepared it： or； on the contrary； that having observed they had an aversion to such a dish； a dislike to such a person； etc。； you had taken care to avoid presenting them。 Such attention to such trifles flatters selflove much more than greater things； as it makes people think themselves almost the only objects of your thoughts and care。
These are some of the arcane necessary for your initiation in the great society of the world。 I wish I had known them better at your age； I have paid the price of threeandfifty years for them； and shall not grudge it if you reap the advantage。 Adieu！
富兰克林致赫伯德小姐
本杰明·富兰克林（1706—1790），美国著名的政治家、社会活动家、科学家、发明家。1706年1月27日；他生于波士顿一个工人家庭，由于家境贫寒，只上了两年学就辍学当了学徒，12岁时到他大哥的印刷所里当学徒，长期从事印刷工作，同时刻苦自学。他曾化名投稿，报纸编辑以为文章“出自名家手笔”。作为政治家，在美国和世界历史上，他与许多重要事件有关。他在北美独立战争中起了重大作用，是美国的创建人之一，参与起草了《独立宣言》和美国宪法。
本篇是富兰克林在弟弟约翰逝世之后，写给约翰第二任妻子与前夫所生的女儿赫伯德小姐的信。
我要向你深表哀悼。我们失去了一位非常可爱、可贵的亲人。这是上帝和自然的旨意，当灵魂进入天堂的时候，躯体就要被置入黄土。或者说它是胚胎的发育期，是新生命的准备阶段。
一个人在死的那一刻才算得到真正的诞生。既然不朽的天堂诞生了一个新婴儿，他们幸福的社会里又增加了一名新的成员，我们为什么还要悲伤呢？我们都是精灵。无比仁慈智慧的上帝行善施恩，赐予我们躯体，让我们享受快乐的生活；帮助我们获取知识，让我们造福于人类。当我们的躯体无法适应这些目的——不能提供给我们快乐，反而让我们痛苦；不能给我们帮助，反而成为我们的累赘——当它们无法完成上帝当初托付的使命时，依然恩惠仁慈的上帝准备了一个办法，让我们摆脱躯体。死亡就是上帝所准备的解脱办法。我们自己有时也会明智地选择一种局部的死亡。受伤疼痛的手脚，已经无法复原，我们会心甘情愿地把它切除。要拔牙的人，也会毅然跟它分手，因为拔掉之后痛苦就会随之消失。一个人如果完全脱离躯壳，就会立刻解脱掉一切痛苦以及引起痛苦和疾病的根源。
我们的朋友和我们自己早就受到邀请去参加一次欢乐的宴会，这是一场永远不散的宴会。他的坐席早已准备好了，所以他会先我们一步而去。我们不可能都很方便地一同前往；既然不久之后我们就要随他而去，并且知道到哪里可以找到他，那我们又为什么因此伤心呢？
再见
本·富兰克林
1756年2月23日于费城
Benjamin Franklin
To
Philadelphia；
February 23； 1756。
I condole with you。 We have lost a most dear and valuable relation。 But it is the will of God and nature； that these mortal bodies be laid aside； when the soul is to enter into real life。 This is rather an embryo state； a preparation for living。
A man is not pletely born until he is dead。 Why then should we grieve； that a new child is born among the immortals； a new member added to their happy society？ We are spirits。 That bodies should be lent us，while they can