陀思妥耶夫斯基致兄长米哈依尔(1)
费奥多尔·陀思妥耶夫斯基(1821—1881), 19世纪俄国伟大的小说家、思想家。在法国资产阶级革命思潮影响下,他早年曾醉心于空想社会主义,参加了彼得堡进步知识分子组织的彼得拉舍夫斯基小组的革命活动。1849年,陀思妥耶夫斯基被控阴谋叛国,判处死刑。临刑前一刻,收到沙皇的敕令,他被改判流放西伯利亚。这生与死之间的短短几秒给陀思妥耶夫斯基留下了不可磨灭的印象,之后他的作品一改往日风格,创作重点转向心理悲剧。他擅长心理剖析,尤其是揭示内心分裂,对人类肉体与精神痛苦的震撼人心的描写是其他作家无法企及的。他的矛盾性格组合、深层心理活动描写对后世作家产生了深远影响。
土街对面涅夫斯基广场涅士材德宅
米哈依尔·米哈依洛维奇·陀思妥耶夫斯基,
哥哥,我宝贵的朋友!事情都定下来了!我已经被宣判在要塞(我猜可能是奥伦斯基要塞)服四年苦役,然后去当列兵。今天,也就是12月22日,我们被押到了谢苗诺夫训练场。我们在那里听他们宣读了死刑判决书,又被要求亲吻了十字架,我们的宝剑在头顶上被折断,最后我们被换上了白衬衫。然后有三个人被绑缚在刑柱上等待行刑,我排在第六个。每次叫三个人,我在第二批,所以我离死亡最多只有一分钟了。
哥哥,我心里想起你和你的家人;在我临终前的那一刻,我心里想到的只有你,只有你一个人,那时候我才明白自己是多么地爱你啊,亲爱的哥哥!我还试着拥抱了站在我身旁的普列什耶夫和杜诺夫,并向他们说了再见。最后,忽然响起了撤退的号角,那些绑在行刑柱上的人被带了回来,然后,有人向我们宣布说沙皇陛下决定放我们一条生路,于是我们收到了现在的判决书。只有帕尔默被无罪释放了,回到军队里担任原来的职位。
亲爱的哥哥,我刚刚才被告知,我们今天或者明天就得出发。我提出想和你见一面,得到的回答是不可能,我能做的仅只是给你写这封信:请尽快回一封信给我吧。
我想你早已知道我们被判处了死刑。在被押往谢苗诺夫训练场的途中,我透过囚车的窗户看到很多围观的人群。也许你早已知晓了这消息,而且你一定很为我伤心。现在你看到了我的信,应该放下心了吧。
哥哥!我并没有垂头丧气或精神不振。生活无处不在,生活就在我们之间,而不在我们之外。永远有人在我周围,我要在人们中间做一个真正的“人”,要永远保持“人”的本色,无论面临什么样的不幸,我决不灰心,也决不倒下——生活就是这样的;生活的使命也是这样的。我已经意识到了这些,这种观念已经融入了我的血肉中。
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请代我向大嫂和孩子们问好。为了让他们不要忘记我,请经常在他们面前提起我。我们将来还可能再见面呢!哥哥,请照顾好你自己和你的家人,希望你们平安而谨慎地生活下去,请多多考虑孩子们的前途……
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哥哥,我们将来还可能有重逢之日!为了上帝的爱,请你一定要多多保重,好好活下去,直到我们再次相聚。将来总有一天我们还会紧紧拥抱,共同回想我们的青春时光、我们的黄金岁月、我们的理想希望,但此时此刻,我正把这一切从心中血淋淋地撕裂开来,并且把它们埋掉。
难道我将再也不能动手写作了吗?我想,四年之后,我很可能继续写作。我的上帝啊,如果我写了任何东西,我一定会把它们全都寄给你。啊!有多少存在于我脑海里的全新创作灵感将会凋谢,将会消失;或者;将作为一种毒素消融在我的血液里。是的,如果我不能写作的话,我一定会死掉的。最好是拿枝笔在监狱里待上十五年。。 最好的txt下载网
陀思妥耶夫斯基致兄长米哈依尔(2)
经常写信给我吧,要尽量写得详细些,要包括很多事实。不要忘了在每封信中都要写上家里所有的细节和琐事,这将带给我希望和活力。你可知道,在这个要塞里,你的来信有使我复活的力量!最近两个半月来,因为禁止写信和收信,我度过了一段非常难熬的时光……
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如果我给任何人留有不好的记忆, 如果我同任何一个人争吵过,或者如果我给任何一个人造成了不愉快的印象,告诉他们忘掉这些吧——如果你能遇见他们的话。现在,我心里没有任何怨恨或者敌意,此时此刻,我应该拥抱我以前的每一位朋友,向他们表达深深的爱意。那是一种安慰,在今天临死之前; 向我亲爱的朋友说再见时,我亲自体验到了它……
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当我回首过去,想到有那么多的时光已经白白荒废,有那么多的时间丧失在错觉、过失、懒散以及对于生活的无知中,那时我没有珍惜时间,也经常违背自己的心灵和精神——一想到这些,我的心就在流血。生命是一种恩赐,是一种幸福,我们每时每刻都应该生活在快乐之中。年轻人如果有经验该多好啊!现在,我的生命改变了,我获得了新生。哥哥!我向你发誓,我一定不会丧失希望,我一定保持精神与心灵的纯洁,我将获得一种更好的新生。那将是我全部的希望和所有的安慰!
狱中生活已经把我身上不够纯洁的物质欲望消灭殆尽。以前,我对自己不够注意,如今,艰难困苦对我已不算什么,因此,不要担心物质上的艰苦会把我折磨死。这是绝不可能的事!唉,要是我有健壮的体格就好了!
好,再见了,再见了,哥哥!让我紧紧地拥抱你,让我深情地亲吻你。请在心里记着我,不要伤心,不要悲痛。我恳求你,不要为我悲伤!在下一封信里,我将告诉你我是如何到那里去的。请记住我所告诉你的一切:计划好你的生活,不要浪费光阴,安排好你该做的一切,为你的孩子们作好打算。啊,我多想见你一面,多想见你一面!再见了!现在,我将哭着告别我所热爱的一切事物,离开它们是多么痛苦啊!把一个人一分为二、把一颗心剖为两半是多么痛苦啊!再见了!再见了!但我非常确信将会再次看到你——我希望你一直爱我,不要改变,不要让你的记忆冷却,回想你的爱将是我生命中最重要的一部分。再见了!再见了!再说一遍,向所有的一切告别!
你的弟弟,
费奥多·陀思妥耶夫斯基
1849年12月22日
于彼得与保罗要塞
Fyodor Dostoevsky
To
The Peter and Paul Fortress;
December 22; 1849
Mihail Mihaliovich Dostoevsky;
Nevsky Prospect; opposite Gryazny Street;in the house of Neslind
Brother; my precious friend! all is settled! I am sentenced to four years' hard labor in the fortress (I believe; of Orenburg); and after that to serve as a private。 Today; the 22nd of December; we were taken to the Semionov Drill Ground。 There the sentence of death was read to all of us; we were told to kiss the Cross; our swords were broken over our heads; and our last toilet was made (white shirts)。 Then three were tied to the pillar for execution。 I was the sixth。 Three at a time were called out; consequently; I was in the second batch and no more than a minute was left me to live。
I remembered you; brother; and all yours; during the last minute you; you alone; were in my mind; only then I realized how I love you; dear brother mine! I also managed to embrace Plescheyev and Durov who stood close to me; and to say goodby to them。 Finally the retreat was sounded; and those tied to the pillar were led back; and it was announced to us that His Imperial Majesty granted us our lives。 Then followed the present sentences。 Palm alone has been pardoned; and returns with his old rank to the army。 。 想看书来
陀思妥耶夫斯基致兄长米哈依尔(3)
I was just told; dear brother; that today or tomorrow we are to be sent off。 I asked to see you。 But I was told that this was impossible; I may only write you this letter: make haste and give me a reply as soon as you can。
I am afraid that you may somehow have got to know of our death sentence。 From the windows of the prison van; when we were taken to the Semionov Drill Ground; I saw a multitude of people; perhaps the news reached you; and you suffered for me。 Now you will be easier on my account。
Brother! I have not bee downhearted or lowspirited。 Life is everywhere ; life in ourselves; not in what is outside us。 There will be people near me; and to be a man among people and remain a man forever; not to be downhearted nor to fall in whatever misfortunes may befall me—this is life; this is the task of life。 I have realized this。 This idea has entered into my flesh and into my blood。
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Kiss your wife and children。 Remind them of me continually; see that they do not forget me。 Perhaps; we shall yet meet some time! Brother; take care of yourself and of your family; live quietly and carefully。 Think of the future of your children…
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And maybe; we shall meet again some time; brother! Take care of yourself; go on living; for the love of God; until we meet。 Perhaps some time we shall embrace each other and recall our youth; our golden time that was; our youth and our hopes; which at this very instant I am tearing out from my heart with my blood; to bury them。
Can it indeed be that I shall never take a pen into my hands? I think that after the four years there may be a possibility。 I shall send you everything that I may write; if I write anything; my God! How many imaginations; lived through by me; created by me anew; will perish; will be extinguished in my brain or will be spilt as poison in my blood! Yes; if I am not allowed to write; I shall perish。 Better fifteen years of prison with a pen in my hands!
Write to me more often; write more details,more; more facts。 In every letter write about all kinds of family details; of trifles; don't forget。 This will give me hope and
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