t moment。 I wish I had some for you； but I haven't。'
My cousin Jasper made good the loss； he was the son of my father's elder brother； to whom he referred more than once； only half facetiously； as 'the Head of the Family'； he was in his fourth year and； the term before； had e within appreciable distance of getting his rowing blue； he was secretary of the Canning and president of the J。C。R。； a considerable person in college。 He called on me formally during my first week and stayed to tea； he ate a very heavy meal of honey…buns； anchovy toast； and Fuller's walnut cake； then he lit his pipe and； lying back in the basketchair； laid down the rules of conduct which I should follow； he covered most subjects； even today I could repeat much of what he said； word for； word。 '。。。You're reading History？ A perfectly respectable school。 The very worst is English literature and the next worst is Modern Greats。 You want either a first or a fourth。 There is no value in anything between。 Time spent on a good second is time thrown away。 You should go to the best lectures Arkwright on Demosthenes for instance … irrespective of whether they are in your school or not。。。Clothes。 Dress as you do in a country house。 Never wear a tweed coat and flannel trousers … always a suit。 And go to a London tailor； you get better cut and longer credit。。。Clubs。 Join the Carlton now and the Grid at the beginning of your second year。 If you want to run for the Union … and it's not a bad thing to do … make your reputation outside first； at the Canning or the Chatham； and begin by speaking on the paper。。。Keep clear of Boar's Hill。。。' The sky over the opposing gables glowed and then darkened； I put more coal on the fire and turned on the light； revealing in their respectability his London…made plus…fours and his Leander tie。。。'Don't treat dons like schoolmasters； treat them as you would the vicar at home。。。You'll find you spend half your second year shaking off the undesirable friends you made in your first。。。Beware of the Anglo…Catholics … they're all sodomites with unpleasant accents。 In fact； steer clear of all the religious groups； they do nothing but harm。。。'
Finally； just as he was going； he said； 'One last point。 Change your rooms' … They were large； with deeply recessed windows and painted； eighteenth…century panelling； I was lucky as a freshman to get them。 'I've seen many a man ruined through having ground…floor rooms in the front quad；' said my cousin with deep gravity。 'People start dropping in。 They leave their； gowns here and e and collect them before hall； you start giving them a sherry。 Before you know where you are； you've opened a free bar for all the undesirables of the college。'
I do not know that I ever； consciously； followed any of this advice。 I certainly never changed my rooms … there were gillyflowers growing below the windows which on summer evenings filled them with fragrance。
It is easy； retrospectively； to endow one's youth with a false precocity or a false innocence； to tamper with the dates marking one's stature on the edge of the door。 I should like to think … indeed I sometimes do think … that I decorated those rooms with Morris stuffs and Arundel prints and that my shelves we're filled with seventeenth…century folios and French novels of the second empire in Russia…leather and watered silk。 But this was not the truth。 On my first afternoon I proudly hung a reproduction of Van Gogh's Sunflowers over the fire and set up a screen； painted by Roger Fry with a Provencal landscape； which I had bought inexpensively when the Omega workshops were sold up。 I displayed also a poster by McKnight Kauffer and Rhyme Sheets from the Poetry Bookshop； and； most painful to recall； a porcelain figure of Polly Peachum which stood between black tapers on the chimney…piece。 My books were meagre and monplace … Roger Fry's Vision and Design； the Medici Press edition of A Shropshire Lad； Eminent Victorians； some volumes of Georgian Poetry； Sinister Street； and South Wind … and my earliest friends fitted well into this background； they were Collins； a Wykehamist； an embryo don； a man of solid reading and childlike humour； and a small circle of college intellectuals； who maintained a middle course of culture between the flamboyant 'aesthetes' and the roletarian scholars who scrambled fiercely for facts in the lodging houses of the Iffley Road and Wellington Square。 It was by this circle that I found myself adopted during my first term； they provided the kind of pany I had enjoyed in the sixth form at school； for which the sixth form had prepared me； but even in the earliest days； when the whole business of living at Oxford； with rooms of my own and my own cheque book； was a source of excitement； I felt at heart that this was not all which Oxford had to offer。
At Sebastian's approach these grey figures seemed quietly to fade into the landscape and vanish； like highland sheep in the misty heather。 Collins had exposed the fallacy of modern aesthetics to me： '。。。the whole argument from Significant Form stands or falls by volume。 If you allow C'ezanne to represent a third dimension on his two…dimensional canvas； then you must allow Landseer his gleam of loyalty in the spaniel's eye'。。。but it was not until Sebastian； idly turning the page of Clive Bell's Art； read： 〃'Does anyone feel the same kind of emotion for a butterfly or a flower that he feels for a cathedral or a picture？〃 Yes。 I do；' that my eyes were opened。
I knew Sebastian by sight long before I met him。 That was unavoidable for； from his first week； he was the most conspicuous man of his year by reason of his beauty； which was arresting； and his eccentricities of behaviour； which seemed to know no bounds。 My first sight of him was in the door of Germer's； and； on that occasion； I was struck less by his looks than by the fact that he was carrying a large teddy…bear。
'That；' said the barber； as I took his chair； 'was Lord Sebastian Flyte。 A most amusing young gentleman。'
'Apparently；' I said coldly。
'The Marquis of Marchmain's second boy。 His brother； the Earl of Brideshead； went down last term。 Now he was very different； a very quiet gentleman'； quite like an old man。 What do you suppose Lord Sebastian wanted？ A hair brush for his teddybear； it had to have very stiff bristies； not； Lord Sebastian said； to brush him with； but to threaten him with a spanking when he was sulky。 He bought a very nice one with an ivory back and he's having 〃Aloysius〃 engraved on it' … that's the bear's name。' The man； who； in his time； had had ample chance to tire of undergraduate fantasy； was plainly…captivated。 I； however； remained censorious； and subsequent glimpses of him； driving in a hansom cab and dining at the George in false whiskers； did not soften me； although Collins； who was reading Freud； had a number of technical terms to cover everything。
Nor； when at last we met； were the circumstances propitious。 It was shortly before midnight in early March； I had been entertaining the college intellectuals to mulled claret； the fire was roaring； the air of my room heavy with smoke and spice； and my mind weary with metaphysics。 I threw open my windows and from the quad outside came the not unmon sound of bibulous laughter and unsteady steps。 A voice said： 'Hold up'； another； 'e on'； another； 'Plenty of time。。。House。。。till Tom stops ringing'； and another； clearer than the rest； 'D'you know I feel most unaccountably unwell。 I must leave you a minute；' and there appeared at my window the face I knew to be Sebastian's； but not； as I had formerly seen it； alive and alight with gaiety； he looked at me for a moment with unfocused eyes and then； leaning forward well into the room； he was sick。
It was not unusual for dinner parties to end in that way； there was in fact a recognized tariff for the scout on such occasions； we were all learning； by trial and error； to carry our wine。 There was also a kind of insane and endearing orderliness about Sebastian's choice； in his extremity； of an open window。 But； when all is said； it remained an unpropitious meeting。
His friends bore him to the gate and； in a few minutes； his host； an amiable Etonian of my year； returned to apologize。 He； too；