ut¡¡outright¡¡illiteracy¡£¡¡Not¡¡one¡¡but¡¡several¡¡of¡¡the¡¡manuscripts¡¡which¡¡filled¡¡those¡¡gray¡¡shelves¡¡were¡¡scrawled¡¡in¡¡pencil¡£
¡¡¡¡But¡¡all¡¡that's¡¡to¡¡the¡¡side¡£¡¡My¡¡point¡¡here¡¡is¡¡just¡¡that¡¡I¡¡could¡¡see¡¡that¡¡wall£»¡¡because¡¡the¡¡stacks¡¡and¡¡jumbles¡¡of¡¡boxes£»¡¡bags£»¡¡and¡¡mailers¡¡are¡¡gone¡£¡¡The¡¡cream¡colored¡¡sheetrock¡¡has¡¡now¡¡been¡¡pierced¡¡by¡¡a¡¡galaxy¡¡of¡¡green¡¡stars¡£¡¡In¡¡many¡¡cases¡¡the¡¡tips¡¡of¡¡the¡¡ivy's¡¡branches¡¡have¡¡only¡¡begun¡¡to¡¡penetrate£»¡¡but¡¡in¡¡others£»¡¡long¡¡and¡¡fragile¡¡snakelets¡¡have¡¡already¡¡slithered¡¡through¡£¡¡They¡¡are¡¡growing¡¡along¡¡the¡¡empty¡¡steel¡¡shelves£»¡¡meeting£»¡¡twining£»¡¡climbing£»¡¡descending¡£¡¡Staking¡¡out¡¡new¡¡territory£»¡¡in¡¡other¡¡words¡£¡¡Most¡¡of¡¡the¡¡leaves¡¡are¡¡still¡¡tightly¡¡furled£»¡¡like¡¡sleeping¡¡infants£»¡¡but¡¡a¡¡few¡¡have¡¡already¡¡begun¡¡to¡¡open¡£¡¡I¡¡have¡¡a¡¡strong¡¡suspicion¡¡that¡¡within¡¡a¡¡week¡¡or¡¡two£»¡¡a¡¡month¡¡at¡¡the¡¡outside£»¡¡the¡¡mailroom¡¡is¡¡going¡¡to¡¡be¡¡as¡¡full¡¡of¡¡Zenith¡¡as¡¡Riddley's¡¡cubbyhole¡¡is¡¡now¡£
¡¡¡¡Which¡¡leads¡¡to¡¡an¡¡amusing¡¡but¡¡perfectly¡¡valid¡¡question£º¡¡where¡¡are¡¡we¡¡going¡¡to¡¡put¡¡Riddley¡¡when¡¡he¡¡es¡¡back£¿¡¡And¡¡what£»¡¡exactly£»¡¡will¡¡he¡¡be¡¡doing£¿
¡¡¡¡Enough¡£¡¡Time¡¡to¡¡see¡¡exactly¡¡what's¡¡in¡¡James¡¡Saltworthy's¡¡box¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡April¡¡2£»¡¡1981
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡Dear¡¡God¡£¡¡Oh¡¡my¡¡dear¡¡God¡£¡¡I¡¡feel¡¡like¡¡someone¡¡who¡¡has¡¡dipped¡¡his¡¡fishing¡¡line¡¡into¡¡a¡¡little¡¡country¡¡brook¡¡and¡¡has¡¡managed¡¡to¡¡hook¡¡Moby¡¡Dick¡£¡¡I¡¡had¡¡actually¡¡dialed¡¡the¡¡first¡¡five¡¡digits¡¡of¡¡Roger¡¡Wade's¡¡number¡¡before¡¡realizing¡¡that¡¡it's¡¡two¡¡o'clock¡¡in¡¡the¡¡fucking¡¡morning¡£¡¡It'll¡¡have¡¡to¡¡wait£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡don't¡¡know¡¡how¡¡I¡¡can¡¡wait¡£¡¡I¡¡feel¡¡like¡¡I'm¡¡going¡¡to¡¡explode¡£¡¡Names¡¡and¡¡book¡titles¡¡keep¡¡dancing¡¡through¡¡my¡¡head¡£¡¡The¡¡Naked¡¡and¡¡the¡¡Dead£»¡¡by¡¡Norman¡¡Mailer¡£¡¡Raintree¡¡County£»¡¡by¡¡Ross¡¡Lockridge¡£¡¡Peyton¡¡Place£»¡¡by¡¡Grace¡¡Metalious¡£¡¡The¡¡Godfather£»¡¡by¡¡Mario¡¡Puzo¡£¡¡The¡¡Exorcist£»¡¡by¡¡William¡¡Peter¡¡Blatty¡£¡¡Jaws£»¡¡by¡¡Peter¡¡Benchley¡£¡¡Different¡¡kinds¡¡of¡¡books£»¡¡different¡¡kinds¡¡of¡¡writers£»¡¡some¡¡good£»¡¡some¡¡only¡¡petent£»¡¡but¡¡all¡¡of¡¡them¡¡creating¡¡a¡¡kind¡¡of¡¡bottled¡¡lightning£»¡¡stories¡¡that¡¡millions¡¡of¡¡people¡¡simply¡¡had¡¡to¡¡read¡£¡¡Saltworthy's¡¡Last¡¡Survivor¡¡fits¡¡very¡¡neatly¡¡into¡¡this¡¡group¡£¡¡No¡¡goddam¡¡doubt¡¡about¡¡it¡£¡¡I¡¡don't¡¡think¡¡I've¡¡found¡¡a¡¡Masterpiece£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡know¡¡I've¡¡found¡¡The¡¡Next¡¡Big¡¡Thing¡£
¡¡¡¡If¡¡we¡¡let¡¡this¡¡get¡¡away£»¡¡I'll¡¡shoot¡¡myself¡£
¡¡¡¡No¡£
¡¡¡¡I'll¡¡walk¡¡into¡¡Riddley's¡¡closet¡¡and¡¡tell¡¡Zenith¡¡to¡¡strangle¡¡me¡£
¡¡¡¡My¡¡God£»¡¡what¡¡an¡¡incredible¡¡book¡£¡¡What¡¡an¡¡incredible¡¡story¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡February¡¡19£»¡¡1981
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡Editorial¡¡Staff¡¡and/or¡¡Mailroom¡¡Crew¡¡Zenith¡¡House¡¡490¡¡Park¡¡Avenue¡¡South¡¡New¡¡York£»¡¡NY¡¡10017
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡TO¡¡THE¡¡EDITOR¡OR¡¡WHOEVER¡¡SENDS¡¡THESE¡¡THINGS¡¡BACK¡¡WHERE¡¡THEY¡¡E¡¡FROM£»
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡My¡¡name¡¡is¡¡James¡¡Saltworthy£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡attached¡¡albatross¡¡is¡¡a¡¡book¡¡I¡¡wrote¡£¡¡Last¡¡Survivor¡¡is¡¡a¡¡novel¡¡that¡¡was¡¡set¡¡five¡¡years¡¡in¡¡the¡¡future¡¡when¡¡I¡¡wrote¡¡it¡¡in¡¡1977£»¡¡and¡¡now¡¡by¡¡God¡¡that¡¡future's¡¡almost¡¡here£¡¡¡Looks¡¡like¡¡the¡¡joke's¡¡on¡¡me¡£¡¡This¡¡novel£»¡¡which¡¡has¡¡been¡¡well¡reviewed¡¡by¡¡both¡¡my¡¡wife¡¡and¡¡my¡¡department¡¡head¡¡£¨I¡¡teach¡¡5th¡¡grade¡¡English¡¡at¡¡Our¡¡Lady¡¡of¡¡Hope¡¡in¡¡Queens£©£»¡¡has¡¡been¡¡to¡¡a¡¡total¡¡of¡¡twenty¡three¡¡publishers¡£¡¡I¡¡probably¡¡shouldn't¡¡be¡¡telling¡¡you¡¡this£»¡¡but¡¡since¡¡Zenith¡¡House¡¡is¡¡this¡¡manuscript's¡¡final¡¡stop¡¡on¡¡what¡¡has¡¡been¡¡a¡¡long¡¡and¡¡exceedingly¡¡dull¡¡train¡ride¡¡to¡¡nowhere£»¡¡I¡¡have¡¡decided¡¡to¡¡¡¨let¡¡it¡¡all¡¡hang¡¡out£»¡¨¡¡as¡¡we¡¡used¡¡to¡¡say¡¡back¡¡in¡¡the¡¡Sexy¡¡Sixties£»¡¡when¡¡we¡¡all¡¡thought¡¡we¡¡had¡¡at¡¡least¡¡one¡¡major¡¡novel¡¡in¡¡us¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡I¡¡would¡¡guess¡¡that¡¡at¡¡several¡¡of¡¡the¡¡publishing¡¡houses¡¡where¡¡Last¡¡Survivor¡¡visited¡sort¡¡of¡¡like¡¡an¡¡unwele¡¡in¡law¡¡that¡¡you¡¡get¡¡rid¡¡of¡¡as¡¡soon¡¡as¡¡possible¡it¡¡was¡¡actually¡¡read¡¡£¨partially¡¡read¡¡might¡¡be¡¡a¡¡better¡¡way¡¡to¡¡put¡¡it£©¡£¡¡From¡¡Doubleday¡¡came¡¡the¡¡response¡¡¡¨We¡¡are¡¡looking¡¡for¡¡more¡¡upbeat¡¡fiction¡£¡¨¡¡Cheers£¡¡¡From¡¡Lippincott£º¡¡¡¨The¡¡writing¡¡is¡¡good£»¡¡the¡¡characters¡¡distasteful£»¡¡the¡¡storyline¡¡frankly¡¡unbelievable¡£¡¨¡¡Mazel¡¡tov£¡¡¡From¡¡Putnam's¡¡came¡¡that¡¡old¡¡favorite£º¡¡¡¨We¡¡no¡¡longer¡¡look¡¡at¡¡unagented¡¡material¡£¡¨¡¡Hooray£¡¡¡Agents£»¡¡schmagents¡£¡¡My¡¡first¡¡one¡¡died¡¡on¡¡me¡he¡¡was¡¡eighty¡one¡¡and¡¡senile¡£¡¡The¡¡second¡¡was¡¡a¡¡crook¡£¡¡The¡¡third¡¡told¡¡me¡¡he¡¡loved¡¡my¡¡novel£»¡¡then¡¡offered¡¡to¡¡sell¡¡me¡¡some¡¡Amway¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡I¡¡am¡¡enclosing¡¡5¡£¡¡00¡¡for¡¡return¡¡postage¡£¡¡If¡¡you¡¡feel¡¡like¡¡using¡¡it¡¡to¡¡send¡¡my¡¡story¡¡back¡¡to¡¡me¡¡after¡¡you¡¡finish¡¡not¡¡reading¡¡it£»¡¡that¡¡would¡¡be¡¡fine¡£¡¡If¡¡you¡¡want¡¡to¡¡use¡¡it¡¡to¡¡buy¡¡a¡¡couple¡¡of¡¡beers£»¡¡all¡¡I¡¡can¡¡say¡¡is¡¡cheers£¡¡¡Mazel¡¡tov£¡¡¡Hooray£¡¡¡Meantime£»¡¡I¡¡see¡¡that¡¡Rosemary¡¡Rogers£»¡¡John¡¡Saul£»¡¡and¡¡John¡¡Jakes¡¡are¡¡still¡¡selling¡¡well£»¡¡so¡¡I¡¡guess¡¡American¡¡literature¡¡is¡¡doing¡¡fine¡¡and¡¡forging¡¡bravely¡¡forward¡¡toward¡¡the¡¡21st¡¡century¡£¡¡Who¡¡needs¡¡Saltworthy£¿
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡I¡¡wonder¡¡if¡¡there's¡¡money¡¡in¡¡writing¡¡instruction¡¡manuals¡£¡¡There¡¡certainly¡¡isn't¡¡much¡¡in¡¡teaching¡¡fifth¡¡graders£»¡¡some¡¡of¡¡whom¡¡carry¡¡switchblade¡¡knives¡¡and¡¡sell¡¡drugs¡¡around¡¡the¡¡corner¡£¡¡I¡¡suppose¡¡they¡¡wouldn't¡¡believe¡¡that¡¡at¡¡Doubleday£»¡¡would¡¡they£¿
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡Cordially£»
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡Jim¡¡Saltworthy
¡¡¡¡73¡¡Aberdeen¡¡Road
¡¡¡¡Queens£»¡¡New¡¡York¡¡11432
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡From¡¡Roger¡¡Wade's¡¡Office¡¡Answering¡¡Machine£»¡¡April¡¡2£»¡¡1981
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡3£º42¡¡A¡£¡¡M¡££º¡¡Hello£»¡¡you¡¡have¡¡reached¡¡Roger¡¡Wade¡¡at¡¡Zenith¡¡House¡£¡¡I¡¡can't¡¡take¡¡your¡¡call¡¡right¡¡now¡£¡¡If¡¡this¡¡is¡¡about¡¡billing¡¡or¡¡accounting£»¡¡you¡¡need¡¡to¡¡call¡¡Andrew¡¡Lang¡¡at¡¡Apex¡¡Corporation¡¡of¡¡America¡£¡¡The¡¡number¡¡is¡¡212¡555¡9191¡£¡¡Ask¡¡for¡¡the¡¡Publishing¡¡Division¡£¡¡If¡¡you¡¡want¡¡to¡¡leave¡¡a¡¡message¡¡for¡¡me£»¡¡wait¡¡for¡¡the¡¡beep¡£¡¡Thanks¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡Roger£»¡¡this¡¡is¡¡John£»¡¡your¡¡old¡¡Central¡¡Falls¡¡safari¡¡buddy¡£¡¡I'm¡¡calling¡¡at¡¡quarter¡¡of¡¡four¡¡in¡¡the¡¡morning£»¡¡April¡¡2nd¡£¡¡I¡¡won't¡¡be¡¡in¡¡today¡£¡¡I've¡¡just¡¡finished¡¡the¡¡most¡¡incredible¡¡fucking¡¡book¡¡of¡¡my¡¡life¡£¡¡Holy¡¡God£»¡¡boss£»¡¡I¡¡feel¡¡like¡¡someone¡¡put¡¡my¡¡brain¡¡on¡¡a¡¡damn¡¡rocket¡¡sled¡£¡¡We¡¡need¡¡to¡¡be¡¡extremely¡¡clever¡¡about¡¡this¡the¡¡book¡¡needs¡¡hardcover¡¡pub£»¡¡a¡¡real¡¡all¡the¡bells¡and¡whistles¡¡launch£»¡¡and¡¡as¡¡you¡¡know£»¡¡Apex¡¡has¡¡no¡¡hardcover¡¡house¡£¡¡Like¡¡most¡¡panies¡¡that¡¡get¡¡into¡¡the¡¡book¡¡biz£»¡¡they¡¡don't¡¡have¡¡a¡¡clue¡£¡¡But¡¡we¡¡better¡£¡¡We¡¡just¡¡better¡¡have¡¡a¡¡damn¡¡clue¡£¡¡Who¡¡do¡¡you¡¡know¡¡at¡¡the¡¡better¡¡hardcover¡¡houses£¿¡¡And¡¡who¡¡do¡¡you¡¡trust£¿¡¡If¡¡we¡¡lose¡¡the¡¡paperback¡¡rights¡¡to¡¡this¡¡in¡¡the¡¡course¡¡of¡¡getting¡¡Saltworthy¡¡a¡¡hardcover¡¡publisher£»¡¡I'll¡¡kill¡¡myself¡£¡¡I
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡3£º45¡¡A¡£¡¡M¡££º¡¡Hello£»¡¡you¡¡have¡¡reached¡¡Roger¡¡Wade¡¡at¡¡Zenith¡¡House¡£¡¡I¡¡can't¡¡take¡¡your¡¡call¡¡right¡¡now¡£¡¡If¡¡this¡¡is¡¡about¡¡billing¡¡or¡¡accounting£»¡¡you¡¡need¡¡to¡¡call¡¡Andrew¡¡Lang¡¡at¡¡Apex¡¡Corporation¡¡of¡¡America¡£¡¡The¡¡number¡¡is¡¡212¡555¡9191¡£¡¡Ask¡¡for¡¡the¡¡Publishing¡¡Division¡£¡¡If¡¡you¡¡want¡¡to¡¡leave¡¡a¡¡message¡¡for¡¡me£»¡¡wait¡¡for¡¡the¡¡beep¡£¡¡Thanks¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡Motormouth¡¡John£»¡¡even¡¡on¡¡the¡¡goddam¡¡answering¡¡machine£»¡¡right£»¡¡Roger£¿¡¡I¡¡can't¡¡even¡¡remember¡¡what¡¡I¡¡was¡¡talking¡¡about¡£¡¡I'm¡¡just¡¡giddy¡£¡¡I'm¡¡going¡¡to¡¡bed¡£¡¡I¡¡don't¡¡know¡¡if¡¡I¡¡can¡¡get¡¡to¡¡sleep¡¡or¡¡not¡£¡¡If¡¡I¡¡can't£»¡¡maybe¡¡I'll¡¡e¡¡in¡¡to¡¡work£»¡¡anyway¡£¡¡Probably¡¡in¡¡my¡¡fucking¡¡pajamas£¡¡¡£§Laughter£§¡¡If¡¡not£»¡¡I'll¡¡do¡¡a¡¡Manuscript¡¡Report¡¡first¡¡thing¡¡on¡¡Friday£»¡¡okay£¿¡¡Please¡¡don't¡¡let¡¡us¡¡fuck¡¡this¡¡up£»¡¡Roger¡£¡¡Please¡£¡¡Okay£»¡¡I'm¡¡going¡¡to¡¡bed¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡3£º48¡¡A¡£¡¡M¡££º¡¡Hello£»¡¡you¡¡have¡¡reached¡¡Roger¡¡Wade¡¡at¡¡Zenith¡¡House¡£¡¡I¡¡can't¡¡take¡¡your¡¡call¡¡right¡¡now¡£¡¡If¡¡this¡¡is¡¡about¡¡billing¡¡or¡¡accounting£»¡¡you¡¡need¡¡to¡¡call¡¡Andrew¡¡Lang¡¡at¡¡Apex¡¡Corporation¡¡of¡¡America¡£¡¡The¡¡number¡¡is¡¡212¡555¡9191¡£¡¡Ask¡¡for¡¡the¡¡Publishing¡¡Division¡£¡¡If¡¡you¡¡want¡¡to¡¡leave¡¡a¡¡message¡¡for¡¡me£»¡¡wait¡¡for¡¡the¡¡beep¡£¡¡Thanks¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡Jesus£»¡¡Roger¡£¡¡Wait¡¡til¡¡you¡¡read¡¡this¡¡fucker¡£¡¡Just¡¡you¡¡wait¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡3£º50¡¡A¡£¡¡M¡£¡¡Hello£»¡¡you¡¡have¡¡reached¡¡Roger¡¡Wade¡¡at¡¡Zenith¡¡House¡£¡¡I¡¡can't¡¡take¡¡your¡¡call¡¡right¡¡now¡£¡¡If¡¡this¡¡is¡¡about¡¡billing¡¡or¡¡accounting£»¡¡you¡¡need¡¡to¡¡call¡¡Andrew¡¡Lang¡¡at¡¡Apex¡¡Corporation¡¡of¡¡America¡£¡¡The¡¡number¡¡is¡¡212¡555¡9191¡£¡¡Ask¡¡for¡¡the¡¡Publishing¡¡Division¡£¡¡If¡¡you¡¡want¡¡to¡¡leave¡¡a¡¡message¡¡for¡¡me£»¡¡wait¡¡for¡¡the¡¡beep¡£¡¡Thanks¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡If¡¡anyone¡¡does¡¡anything¡¡to¡¡that¡¡plant£»¡¡they're¡¡going¡¡to¡¡die¡£¡¡You¡¡got¡¡that£¿¡¡They¡¡will¡¡fucking¡£¡¡¡£¡¡¡£¡¡die¡£
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡Zenith¡¡House¡¡Manuscript¡¡Report
¡¡¡¡
¡¡¡¡EDITOR£º¡¡John¡¡Kenton¡¡DATE£º¡¡April¡¡3£»¡¡1981¡¡MANUSCRIPT¡¡TITLE£º¡¡Last¡¡Survivor¡¡AUTHOR'S¡¡NAME£º¡¡James¡¡Saltworthy¡¡FICTION/NONFICTION£º¡¡F¡¡ILLUSTRATIONS£º¡¡N¡¡AGENT£º¡¡None¡¡RIGHTS¡¡OFFERED£º¡¡Author¡¡offers¡¡North¡¡American¡¡but¡¡doesn't¡¡know¡¡what¡¡he's¡¡talking¡¡about£»¡¡so¡¡TBD¡¡SUMMARY£º¡¡This¡¡novel¡¡is¡¡set¡¡in¡¡the¡¡year¡¡1982£»¡¡but¡¡was¡¡originally¡¡written¡¡in¡¡1977¡£¡¡To¡¡keep¡¡to¡¡the¡¡writer's¡¡intention£»¡¡the¡¡time¡¡would¡¡have¡¡to¡¡be¡¡changed¡¡to¡¡at¡¡least¡¡1986£»¡¡1987£»¡¡or¡¡five¡¡years¡¡from¡¡time¡¡of¡¡pub¡£
¡¡¡¡The¡¡basic¡¡premise¡¡is¡¡unique¡¡and¡¡exciting¡£¡¡A¡¡network¡¡fading¡¡in¡¡the¡¡ratings¡¡£¨auth¡¡calls¡¡it¡¡UBA£»¡¡United¡¡Broadcasting¡¡of¡¡America£»¡¡but¡¡it¡¡feels¡¡like¡¡CBS£©¡¡es¡¡up¡¡with¡¡a¡¡unique¡¡game¡¡show¡¡idea¡£¡¡Twenty¡six¡¡people¡¡are¡¡stranded¡¡on¡¡a¡¡desert¡¡isl