cspector.worldwithoutend- 第18节

　
　And　as　I　felt　the　warmth　rush　through　my　veins…　sliding　into　my　mind；　seducing　my　thoughts…I　would　smile。　Sometimes　men　would　e　to　me　and　tell　me　how　beautiful　my　smile　was。　So　I　would　smile　at　them　until　they　became　nervous　and　went　away。
　
　And　so；　on　that　clear　spring　morning　in　April；　when　I　saw　Caimbeui　for　the　first　time　in　many　a　century；　I　thought；　at　first；　that　he　was　a　product　of　my　imagination。　That　I　had　conjured　him　up　from　the　pretty　places　I　went　in　my　mind。
　
　〃Hello；　Aina；〃　he　said。
　
　I　smiled。　He　smiled　back。　I　didn't　say　anything；　neither　did　he。
　He　didn't　go　away。
　〃I　suppose　it　really　is　you；〃　I　said　at　last。
　〃I'm　wounded；〃　he　said　as　he　touched　his　chest　over　his　heart。　〃Have　you　forgotten　me　so　easily？〃
　
　I　poured　more　water　into　my　glass　and　put　the　spoon　on　top。
　
　Sugar　cube。
　
　Absinthe。
　
　〃No；〃　I　replied。　〃Not　so　easily。　Would　you　care　for　some？〃
　
　He　took　his　pocket　watch　out　of　his　waistcoat　and　opened　it　with　a　little　click。
　
　〃Isn't　it　a　bit　early　for　this　sort　of　thing？〃　he　asked。　〃I　hadn't　figured　you　for　the　type。〃
　
　The　sugar　cube　crumbled　in　my　mouth。　My　tongue　was　already　numb　and　felt　a　bit　grainy。　Wonderful　numbness。
　
　〃What　type　is　that？〃　I　asked。　〃The　type　that　indulges　in　pleasure？　Think　of　it；　Caimbeul。　All　the　years　and　years　stretching　ahead　of　us。　All　the　ones　behind。　And　it　doesn't　mean　anything。　Nothing　we　do　matters。　It　all　keeps　happening　again　and　again。　I've　spent　plenty　of　time　worrying　about　what　has　happened。　And　far　too　much　concerned　with　what　will　happen。　So；　now；　I　don't　care。
　
　〃This〃…I　raised　my　glass…〃gives　me　a　brief　taste　of　happiness。　I　have　had　far　too　little　of　that。〃
　
　Silently；　I　toasted　him；　then　drank。　Ah；　nectar。　I　was　borne　up　by　angels　into　clouds　of　gossamer　and　silk。
　
　He　said　nothing　then。　Just　sat　down　there　with　me　as　I　drank；　then　walked　me　home　as　the　sun　sank　full　and　red　into　the　gray　twilight。
　
　Every　day　he　came　and　sat　with　me　as　I　drank。　Sometimes；　I　would　go　to　a　different　cafe；　but　he　always　managed　to　find　me。
　
　One　day　I　woke　and　discovered　that　I　no　longer　wanted　to　go　to　the　cafes。　Caimbeul's　presence　had　muddied　the　pleasure　of　the　absinthe　for　me。　I　hated　him　for　it。　I　dressed　hurriedly；　rushing　out　without　my　hat。
　
　He　was　waiting　for　me　at　the　cafe　on　the　Rue　Saint…Jacques。
　
　〃I　hate　you；〃　I　said。
　〃I　know。〃
　〃You've　ruined　everything。〃
　〃Perhaps。〃
　I　stood　there；　frustrated；　not　knowing　what　else　to　say。
　〃Would　you　like　to　go　for　a　walk？〃　he　asked。
　I　narrowed　my　eyes。　〃Why？〃
　〃Because　it's　a　beautiful　day；〃　he　replied。　〃And　I'd　like　you　to　e　with　me。〃
　
　I　saw　the　waiter　ing　toward　the　table　with　the　absinthe　and　water。　My　hands　started　shaking　and　I　felt　my　mouth　go　dry。　Caimbeui　and　I　didn't　say　anything　as　the　waiter　put　them　on　the　table　and　left。
　
　〃Well；〃　he　said。　〃Are　you　ing？〃
　
　I　looked　at　the　absinthe。　Ma　petite　amie。　My　life；
　Just　one　more；　I　thought。
　
　I　could　feel　my　mouth　pucker；　anticipating　the　bite　of　the　sugar；　the　anise　bitterness　of　the　absinthe。
　
　Caimbeul　held　his　hand　out　to　me。　Slowly；　very　slowly；　I　took　it。
　
　〃Why　did　you　stay？〃　I　asked　Caimbeul。
　〃When？〃
　〃When　you　found　me　in　Paris　at　that　cafe。　You　could　have　left。　It　might　have　been　better　if　you　had。　It　was　certainly　out　of　character。〃
　He　looked　out　at　the　drizzling　rain。　The　sky　was　　overcast　and　made　the　greens　outside　brilliant　and　a　little　surreal。
　
　〃I　suppose　it　was　the　shock　of　seeing　you　there。　You　looked　so。。。　human。　It　surprised　me。　I　had　always　thought　of　you　as　indestructable。　No　matter　what　knocked　you　down；　you　just　kept　getting　back　up。　But　there；　in　that　place；　you　weren't　ever　going　to　get　up　again。　I　just　couldn't　stand　to　see　the　waste　of　it　all。〃
　
　The　light　from　the　fluorescents　gave　his　skin　a　corpse…like　pallor。　It　seemed　almost　inprehensible　to　me　that　I　had　once　held　him　in　my　arms。　I　felt　like　that　had　happened　to　a　different　person。　A　different　Aina。
　
　〃Did　I　ever　thank　you？〃　I　asked。
　He　turned　toward　me　and　smiled。　The　smile　was　crooked　and　made　his　face　look　lopsided。　And　I　found　it　utterly　endearing。
　〃Yes；〃　he　said。　〃You　did。〃
　〃Good；〃　I　said。
　
　And　we　sat　there　wrapped　in　our　memories　until　the　announcement　came　for　our　flight。
　You　have　been　hiding　from　me；　Aina。　You　must　know　there　is　nowhere　you　can　run　where　I　cannot　find　you。
　No　place　that　will　afford　you　sanctuary。　I　am　ing。　ing　soon。
　
　The　international　flight　was　cramped　and　exhausting。　I　jerked　awake　from　another　dream　about　Ysrth…grathe。　He　was　in　my　mind　again。　Invading　my　thoughts　and　dreams　just　like　he　had　all　those　years　ago。　It　made　me　feel　unclean。　Like　something　slimy　had　crawled　across　my　skin。
　
　Caimbeui　was　asleep　next　to　me。　He　snored　a　little　and　I　gave　him　a　bit　of　a　push　to　make　him　stop。　I　wanted　to　wake　him　and　tell　him　about　my　dream；　but　I　didn't。　I　had　learned　long　ago　that　it　was　better　not　to　involve　anyone　else　in　matters　concerning　Ysrthgrathe。　…
　
　Outside　it　was　dark。　I　found　flying　to　be　strange；　as　though　I　were　suspended　in　time　and　space。　Another　manifestation　of　my　distrust　of　technology。　Perhaps　all　this　metal　and　cold；　analytical　thought　reminded　me　too　much　of　the　Therans。　The　result　of　　their　devotion　to　purity　had　ruined　so　many。　Like　the　Huns；　they　thought　nothing　of　conquering　and　laying　waste　to　any　and　all　who　opposed　them。　And　like　the　Romans；　they　swallowed　whole　civilizations　and　digested　them　into　unrecognizable　pieces。　They　so　believed　in　their　own　purity　that　they　sacrificed　the　world。
　
　But　all　of　that　time　was　gone。　I　had　to　stop　letting　it　pull　me　into　the　past。　What　was　important　now　was　the　future。　I　had　to　save　it。
　
　We　landed　in　the　Atlanta　airport　and　made　our　connecting　flight　to　Austin　without　any　real　delays。　Oh；　there's　always　some　sort　of　drek　that　pops　up　when　you　enter　the　Confederated　American　States；　but　I　still　had　a　few　connections　of　my　own。　A　few　hours　later；　we　were　catching　a　cab　from　Robert　Mueller　Airport　to　my　sometime…residence　in　the　western　hills　of　Austin。
　
　〃I　don't　remember　this　place；〃　said　Caimbeul。　He　walked　about　the　room　pulling　dust　covers　off　the　furniture　and　sneezing　as　dust　flew　up　his　nose。
　
　The　house　smelled　stale　and　I　was　opening　windows。　The　clean；　sweet　scent　of　fall　floated　into　the　room。　It　was　warm　here；　even　in　late　October。　I　like　that　about　Austin。
　
　〃I　didn't　e　by　it　until　nineteen　thirty…four；〃　I　said。　〃As　I　recall；　you　were　out　of　the　picture　by；　oh；　about　fifty　years。〃
　〃We　did　fall　out　of　touch；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　sorry　about　that。〃
　〃I'm　not；〃　I　said。　〃We　had　said　so　many　things　by　then。　Things　neither　of　us　could　take　back。　No；　it　was　better　that　we　got　away　from　one　another。〃
　
　He　opened　the　French　doors　leading　to　the　balcony　that　wrapped　around　the　front　of　the　house　overlooking　the　beginning　of　the　Hill　Country。　Cedar　and　mesquite　trees　grew　low　and　crippled　by　the　fierce　summers。　It　was　as　close　to　an　alien　landscape　as　I　could　imagine。　Even　now；　when　technology　tried　to　cover　every　centimeter　of　earth；　I　believed　that　this　land　would　reclaim　itself　if　given　half　a　chance。
　
　〃I　like　it　here；〃　he　said。　〃It　reminds　me　of　another　place…before。。。〃
　〃Before　the　Enemy　came；〃　I　finished。　〃Yes；　it　doesn't　look　the　same；　but　it　feels　the　same。　Wild　and　untamed。　There　used　to　be　more　development　here；　but　since　the　Awakening；　it　has　gone　back　somewhat。
　〃After　the　Great　Ghost　Dance；　the　water　spirits　inhabiting　the　Barton　Creek　Watershed　rose　up　and　drowned　a　number　of　developers。　They　were　having　some　kind　of　big　ground…breaking　on　yet　another　big　project。　Apparently；　the　water　spirits　didn't　like　the　idea；　because　they　carried　off　the　great…great…grandson　of　Jim　Bob　Moffett　and　several　of　his　banker　friends。
　
　〃There　hasn't　been　much　development　since　then；　and　the　people　who　were　living　in　property　that　was　polluting　the　creek　found　themselves　being　tormented　by　water　spirits。　Most　of　them　have　left。〃
　
　〃Why　are　you　still　here？〃　Caimbeui　asked。　〃Professional　courtesy。〃
　
　We'd　stopped　for　groceries　on　the　way　in