cspector.worldwithoutend- 第19节

　
　〃Why　are　you　still　here？〃　Caimbeui　asked。　〃Professional　courtesy。〃
　
　We'd　stopped　for　groceries　on　the　way　in；　and　after　a　quick　meal　of　eggs　and　soylinks；　we　retired　back　to　the　balcony。　Luckily；　my　freezer　was　still　working　and　I　had　a　supply　of　unground　coffee　beans　laid　in。　We　watched　the　brilliant　red　sun　go　down　while　sipping　Kona　blue　and　cognac。
　
　〃Why　are　we　here？〃　Caimbeui　asked。　I　had　been　waiting　for　him　to　get　around　to　it；　but　I　was　surprised　it　took　him　so　long。　Perhaps　he　had　gained　some　patience　over　the　years。
　〃I　wanted　to　get　in　touch　with　Thais；〃　I　said。　〃When　last　we　spoke；　he　was　in　this　area。〃
　〃Thais？〃
　〃My　child。〃
　
　After　I　left　Europe　and　Caimbeul's　warm　embrace；　I　came　to　America。　I　was　achingly　lonely　for　him；　a　fact　that；　in　retrospect；　seems　rather　foolish　and　trivial。　But　there　it　was。　The　rumors　of　the　Great　Ghost　Dance　had　brought　me　here；　or　so　I　told　myself。　What　I　was　really　about　was　trying　to　forget　Caimbeui　and　make　something　new　out　of　my　life。
　
　I　took　a　westbound　train　from　New　York　to　Saint　Louis。　Then　I　caught　a　stage　to　Sioux　Falls。　I　knew　Wovoka　（he　also　used　the　Anglo　name　Jack　Wilson；　I　recall）　had　convinced　the　Sioux　that　they　had　to　use　the　great　ritual　magics　to　rid　themselves　of　the　whites　and　bring　down　retribution　on　their　heads。　He　was　right；　of　course；　but　wrong　about　the　time
　The　world　wouldn't　have　enough　magical　energy　in　it　for　another　hundred　and　thirty　years。
　
　But　what　concerned　me　was　the　news　of　his　〃visions。〃　He　claimed　that　God　was　sending　him　messages。　I　suspected　there　was　another　explanation；　one　I　hated　to　consider：　Thais。
　
　I　thought　I'd　stopped　this　passion　of　Thais's　for　popping　up　and　causing　mystical　visions　in　magical…thinking　cultures；　but　he　was　at　it　again。　As　I　rode　on　the　stage；　my　spine　feeling　as　though　it　were　being　pounded　through　the　ill…sprung　seat　and　dust　and　dirt　settling　into　everything　I　owned；　I　hoped　I　was　early　enough　to　put　a　stop　to　things　before　they　blew　out　of　hand。
　
　By　the　time　I　reached　Batesland；　news　was　already　making　its　way　east　about　the　massacre　at　Wounded　Knee。　I　was　too　late。
　
　It　didn't　stop　me　from　looking　for　Thais。　I　knew　I　needed　to　rein　him　in　again。　How　I　hated　the　thought　of　another　confrontation　with　him。
　
　〃I　was　wondering　when　you　would　e。〃
　
　Thais。
　
　He　was　hidden　in　the　shadows　of　a　low…hanging　outcropping　of　rock。　I　wanted　to　see　him；　but；　as　if　he　knew　that　was　my　wish；　he　remained　back　in　the　darkness。
　
　The　wasted　scenery　of　the　Badlands　spread　out　around　me。　It　reminded　me　too　much　of　how　the　world　was　after　the　Scourge。　And　to　see　Thais　here；　in　this　ruined　place　made　me　sad　and　angry　at　the　same　time。　I'd　told　Thais　that　the　world　was　not　the　one　he　had　grown　accustomed　to。　That　he　must　learn　to　change…but　he　refused。
　
　My　child。
　
　Even　after　all　these　many　centuries；　I　still　worried　about　him。　Wanted　to　know　that　he　was　safe。　Would　he　ever　forgive　me　for　bringing　him　into　a　world　that　would　never　understand　him？
　
　〃Hello；　Thais；〃　I　said。　〃I　see　you've　been　busy。〃
　
　Thais　shrugged　and　looked　a　bit　bewildered。　〃I　don't　understand；〃　he　said。　〃The　magic　should　have　worked。〃　A　frown　crossed　his　face　and　I　wanted　to　hold　him　and　fort　him；　but　I　knew　that　would　not　be　allowed。　It　frightened　me　sometimes；　how　much　he　grew　like　his　father。
　
　〃Magic　isn't　as　powerful　now；〃　I　said。　〃You　know　that。　Why　did　you　lead　them　to　this　destruction？〃
　
　〃They　loved　me；〃　Thais　said。　〃It　was　just　like　in　the　old　days。　They　looked　at　me　and　they　didn't　see　a　monster…they　saw　me。　I　was　trying　to　help　them。　All　they　wanted　was　to　have　their　land　back。　I　could　give　that　to　them。〃　He　looked　mournful。　It　made　my　heart　ache。　〃I　should　have　been　able　to　give　them　that。〃
　
　〃Once；〃　I　said；　〃you　might　have。　But　no　more。　Those　days　are　gone。　Thais；　you　must　stop　this。　I　know　what　you've　been　doing。　Those　stone　heads　they　dug　up　in　the　bed　of　the　Trinity　River。　From　the　Pleistocene。　I　heard　them　described　as　obviously　not　human。　My　god；　Thais；　it　was　you。　How　could　you　have　let　them　see　you　revealed？
　
　〃And　what　about　Indochina？　At　least　you　tried　to　disguise　your　shape；　but　a　seven…headed　snake　god？　
　I've　told　you　that　we　aren't　to　interfere。　There's　too　much　at　risk。　What　if　they'd　discovered　what　you　really　are？　They　might　have　killed　you。〃
　
　〃I'm　as　hard　to　kill　as　my　parents；〃　he　said；　bit…ferly。　〃I　am　what　you've　made　me。　There　is　no　place　in　this　or　any　other　world　where　I　may　live　peacefully。　Why　did　you　make　me？〃
　
　I　looked　away。　Thais　was　right；　of　course。　He　never　should　have　been　born。　But　I　was　mad　at　the　time。　Out　of　my　mind　with　remorse　and　grief。　Selfish　Aina。
　
　〃You　must　not　do　this　again；〃　I　said。　〃It　will　only　end　in　ruin。　If　not　for　you；　then　for　your　followers。　Even　now；　when　the　magic　is　at　a　low　ebb；　you　still；　by　your　nature；　have　some　power。　Why　don't　you　use　it　responsibly？〃
　
　〃Oh；　that's　rich；〃　he　said；　laughing　harshly。　Even　so；　it　made　me　want　to　hold　him　and　gaze　into　his　eyes。　Such　power　in　my　child。　〃You…talking　about　responsibility。　You　don't　have　the　right。〃
　
　〃Mark　my　words；　Thais。　These　tragedies　will　continue　if　you　don't　do　something　about　it。〃
　
　〃What　would　you　have　me　do。　Mother？　Exile　myself　to　some　mountaintop　the　way　you　did？　Hide　myself　and　live　in　isolation　until　the　world　is　something　else　again？　I　need　them　and　they　need　me。　You　cannot　imagine　how　I　feel　when　they　look　at　me　and　love　me。　When　they　fall　to　their　knees　and　beg　for　my　blessing　and　I　give　it　to　them。　I　was　born　to　be　a　god。　To　be　adored　and　worshipped。　You　can't　take　that　away　from　me。〃
　
　〃I'm　not　trying　to　take　anything　away　from　you。。。〃
　〃You　took　my　father　away。〃
　〃Don't　be　a　fool；　Thais；〃　I　said。　〃That　was　an　ac…eident　of　birth。〃
　
　He　shrugged　and　looked　away。　I　knew　there　was　no　use　discussing　this　further。　Thais　had　shut　off　from　me；　and　nothing　I　could　do　or　say　would　make　any　difference。　How　I　wished　that　things　could　be　different　between　us；　but　I　knew　I　could　as　much　wish　for　the　moon　for　all　the　good　it　would　do　me。
　
　And　so　we　stood　there；　in　that　bare　and　barren　place；　divided　by　worlds　and　walls　and　the　past　that　could　never　be　undone。
　
　She　floats　in　a　warm　embrace。　Hands　touch　her。　Stroke　her。　Caress　her　until　she　trembles。　Opening　her　eyes；　she　sees　a　faceless　man。　This　doesn't　frighten　her…it's　what　she　wants。　To　fall　into　the　fort　of　anonymity。
　
　Safe　and　nameless。
　
　
　
　〃How　are　you　going　to　contact　Thais？〃　Caimbeui　asked。
　〃A　summoning；〃　I　said。　〃His　nature　is　such　that　he　won't　be　able　to　resist。　I　wish　it　hadn't　e　to　this；　but　we　haven't　spoken　in　so　many　years。　Since　that　terrible　time　after　Wounded　Knee。〃
　〃Why　didn't　you　just　call　him　up　while　we　were　in　Tir　na　nog？〃
　〃Too　many　enemies　there；〃　I　said。　〃And　Ala…chin　doesn't　know　about　Thais。　At　least　not　as　far　as　I　know。'I　would　keep　it　that　way。　There　are　some　things　she　should　never　know。　And　I　want　him　to　be　on　my　ground。　Not　his；　not　someone　else's。〃
　
　A　wave　of　exhaustion　swept　over　me。　Suddenly；　I　wanted　nothing　more　than　to　go　and　sleep　for　the　rest　of　my　natural　life。　But　I　didn't　have　that　choice。　There　was　too　much　at　stake。　I　got　up　and　walked　back　into　the　house。
　
　Caimbeui　drew　the　drapes　as　I　turned　off　all　but　one　light。　Though　it　made　little　difference　to　my　casting；　I　preferred　less　light。　That　way　I　could　con…centrale　on　what　was　happening　with　the　spell　rather　than　my　surroundings。
　
　〃This　would　be　a　lot　simpler　if　you　let　me　help；〃　said　Caimbeui。
　
　The　edges　of　the　room　faded　back　into　shadows。　The　few　pieces　of　furniture　still　covered　in　sheets　looked　ghostly　against　the　far　walls。　The　night　noises　were　muffled　by　the　drapes。　Occasionally；　I　could　still　hear　the　drone　of　a　low…flying　Lone　Star　Security　chopper。
　
　〃Are　you　ready？〃　I　asked。　I　wasn't　sure　which　of　us　I　was　asking。
　
　Caimbeui　nodded　and　stepped　back　into　the　shadows。　I　knew　if　anything　untoward　happened；　he　would　take　care　of　me。
　
　Taking　a　deep　breath　and　closing　my　eyes；　I　let　myself　relax　and　block　everything　out　but　the　spell　I　was　about　to　per