apologies。〃
He laughed。 〃Refused。〃
〃Thank God！〃 She watched him。 〃Actually； Linc； I can usually handle the strong； the meek； and the cunning … even the very cunning … without too much trouble。 I guess I've known every kind of pass it's possible for a girl to have and I've always figured I've an automatic game plan to counter them almost before they begin。 But with you 。。。〃 She hesitated； then added； 〃Sorry； but almost every man I meet； well； it's always the same。〃
〃That's wrong？〃
〃No； but it's trying to walk into a room or a restaurant and feel those leering eyes。 I wonder how men would handle it。 You're young and handsome。 What would you do if women did it to you everywhere you went。 Say when you walked through the lobby of the V and A this morning you saw every woman of every age； from false…toothed old grannies； bewigged harpies； the fat； the ugly； the coarse； all of them； all openly leering at you； undressing you mentally； openly trying to get close； trying to stroke your behind； openly ogling your chest or crotch； most of them with bad breath； most of them sweating and foul…smelling； and you know they're imagining you in their bed； enthusiastically and happily doing the most intimate things to them。〃
〃I wouldn't like it at all。 Casey said the same thing in different words when she first joined me。 I know what you mean； Orlanda。 At least I can imagine it。 But that's the way the world's made。〃
〃Yes； and sometimes it's awful。 Oh I don't want to be a man； Linc； I'm very happy to be a woman； but it's really quite awful sometimes。 To know you're thought of as just a receptacle that can be bought； and that after it all you're to say thank you very much to the corpulent old lecher with the bad breath and accept your twenty…dollar bill and sneak off like a thief in the night。〃
He frowned。 〃How did we get on this kick？〃
She laughed。 〃You kissed me。〃
He grinned； glad they were happy together。 〃That's right。 So maybe I deserved the lecture。 I'm guilty as charged。 Now； about that kiss you promised me。 。。。〃 But he did not move。 He was feeling his way； probing。 Everything's changed now； he thought。 Sure I wanted to … what did she call it？ To pillow。 Sure。 Still do； more than before。 But now we're changed。 Now we're in a different game。 I don't know if I want in。 The rules've changed。 Before it was simple。 Now maybe it's more simple。 〃You're pretty。 Did I mention you were pretty？〃 he said； avoiding the issue that she wanted out in the open。
〃I was going to talk about that kiss。 You see； Linc； the truth is I just wasn't prepared for the way； to be honest； the way I； I was swamped； I guess that's the word。〃
He let the word linger。 〃Is that good or bad？〃
〃Both。〃 Her eyes crinkled with her smile。 〃Yes； swamped with my own desire。 You're something else； Mr。 Bartlett； and that's also very bad； or very good。 I； I enjoyed your kiss。〃
〃So did I。〃 Again he grinned at her。 〃You can call me Linc。〃 After a pause she said； 〃I've never felt so wanting and swamped； and because of that very frightened。〃
〃No need to be frightened；〃 he said。 But he was wondering what to do。 His instincts said leave。 His instincts said stay。 Wisdom told him to say nothing and wait。 He could hear his heart beating and the rain hammering the windows。 Better to go； he thought。 〃Orlanda； guess it's ab… 〃
〃Do you have time to talk？ Just a little？〃 she asked； sensing his indecision。
〃Sure。 Sure； of course。〃
Her fingers brushed her hair from her face。 〃I wanted to tell you about me。 Quillan was my father's boss in Shanghai and I seem to have known him all my life。 He helped pay for my education； particularly in the States and he was always very kind to me and my family … I've four sisters and a brother and I'm the oldest and they're all in Portugal now。 When I came back to Shanghai from San Francisco after I'd graduated； I was seventeen； almost eighteen and 。。。 Well he's an attractive man； to me he is； though very cruel sometimes。 Very。〃
〃How？〃
〃He believes in personal vengeance； that vengeance is a man's right； if he's a man。 Quillan's very much a man。 He was always good to me； still is。〃 She studied him。 〃Quillan still gives me an allowance； still pays for this apartment。〃
〃You don't have to tell me anything。〃
〃I know。 But I'd like to … if you want to listen。 Then you can decide。〃
He studied her。 〃All right。〃
〃You see； part of it's because I'm Eurasian。 Most Europeans despise us； openly or secretly； particularly the British here … Linc； just hear me out。 Most Europeans despise Eurasians。 All Chinese do。 So we're always on the defensive； almost always suspect； almost always presumed to be illegitimate； and certainly an easy lay。 God how I loathe that Americanism！ How rotten and vulgar and cheap it really is。 And revealing about the American male … though； strangely； it was in the States that I gained my self…respect and got over my Eurasian guilt。 Quillan taught me lots and formed me in lots of ways。 I'm beholden to him。 But I don't love him。 That's what I wanted to say。 Would you like more coffee？〃
〃Sure； thanks。〃
〃I'll make some fresh。〃 She got up； her walk unconsciously sensuous and again he cursed his luck。
〃Why'd you bust up with him？〃
Gravely she told him about Macao。 〃I allowed myself to be persuaded into the fellow's bed and I slept there though nothing happened； nothing … the poor man was drunk and useless。 The next day I pretended that he'd been fine。〃 Her voice was outwardly calm and matter…of…fact but he could feel the anguish。 〃Nothing happened but someone told Quillan。 Rightly； he was furious。 I have no defense。 It was 。。。 Quillan had been away。 I know that's no excuse but I'd learned to enjoy pillowing and 。。。〃 A shadow went over her。 She shrugged。 〃Joss。 Karma。〃 In the same small voice she told him about Quillan's revenge。 〃That's his way； Linc。 But he was right to be furious with me； I was wrong。〃 The steam hissed and the coffee began to drip。 Her hands were finding clean cups and fresh home…baked cookies and new starched linen as she talked but their minds were concentrating on the man…woman triangle。
〃I still see him once in a while。 Just to talk。 We're just friends now and he's good to me and I do what I want； see who I want。〃 She turned the steam off and looked up at him。 〃We 。。。 we had a child four years ago。 I wanted it； he didn't。 He said I could have the child but I should have it in England。 She's in Portugal now with my parents … my father's retired and she lives with them。〃 A tear rolled down her cheek。
〃Was that his idea； to keep the child there？〃
〃Yes。 But he is right。 Once a year I go there。 My parents 。。。 my mother wanted the child； begged to have it。 Quillan's generous to them too。〃 The tears were rolling down her face now but there was no sound to her crying。 〃So now you know it all； Linc。 I've never told anyone but you and now you know I'm； I wasn't a faithful mistress and I'm； I'm not a good mother and and 。。。〃
He went to her and held her very close and he felt her melt against him； trying to hold back the sobs； holding on； taking his warmth and his strength。 He gentled her； holding her； the length of her against him； warm； tender； everything fitting。
When she was whole again she reached up on tiptoe and kissed him lightly but with great tenderness and looked at him。
He returned the kiss equally。
They looked at each other searchingly； then kissed again。 Their passion grew and it seemed forever but it was not and both heard the key in the lock at the same time。 They broke away； trying to catch their breath； listening to their hearts and hearing the coarse voice of the amah from the hall。 〃Weyyyyy？〃
Weakly Orlanda brushed her hair straighter； half…shrugged to him in apology。 〃I'm in the kitchen；〃 she called out in Shanghainese。 〃Please go to your room until I call you。〃
〃Oh？ Oh the foreign devil's still here is he？ What about my shopping？ I did some shopping！〃
〃Leave it by the door！〃
〃Oh； oh very well； Young Mistress；〃 the amah called back and went off grumbling。 The door banged loudly behind her。
〃They always slam doors？〃 Linc asked； his heart still thumping。
〃Yes； yes it seems so。〃 Her hand went back to his shoulder； the nails caressi