shall be all right unless we have a breakdown； and there's not much chance of that。 I've been tuning up the old car since seven this morning； and she's sound in wind and limb； absolutely。 Oilpetrolwaterairnutsboltssprockets carburetterall present and correct。 I've been looking after them like a lot of baby sisters。 Well； as I was saying； I've got the dope。 A week ago I was just one of the mugsdidn't know a thing about itbut now！ Gaze on me； laddie！ You see before you old Colonel Romeo； the Man who Knows！ It all started on the night of the ball。 There was the dickens of a big ball； you know； to celebrate old Boots' ing…of…ageto which； poor devil； he contributed nothing but the sunshine of his smile； never having learned to dance。 On that occasion a most rummy and extraordinary thing happened。 I got pickled to the eyebrows！〃 He laughed happily。 〃I don't mean that that was a unique occurrence and so forth； because； when I was a bachelor； it was rather a habit of mine to get a trifle submerged every now and again on occasions of decent mirth and festivity。 But the rummy thing that night was that I showed it。 Up till then； I've been told by experts； I was a chappie in whom it was absolutely impossible to detect the symptoms。 You might get a bit suspicious if you found I couldn't move； but you could never be certain。 On the night of the ball； however； I suppose I had been filling the radiator a trifle too enthusiastically。 You see； I had deliberately tried to shove myself more or less below the surface in order to get enough nerve to propose to Alice。 I don't know what your experience has been； but mine is that proposing's a thing that simply isn't within the scope of a man who isn't moderately woozled。 I've often wondered how marriages ever occur in the dry States of America。 Well； as I was saying； on the night of the ball a most rummy thing happened。 I thought one of the waiters was you？〃
He paused impressively to allow this startling statement to sink in。
〃And was he？〃 said George。
〃Absolutely not！ That was the rummy part of it。 He looked as like you as your twin brother。〃
〃I haven't a twin brother。〃
〃No； I know what you mean； but what I mean to say is he looked just like your twin brother would have looked if you had had a twin brother。 Well； I had a word or two with this chappie； and after a brief conversation it was borne in upon me that I was up to the gills。 Alice was with me at the time； and noticed it too。 Now you'd have thought that that would have put a girl off a fellow； and all that。 But no。 Nobody could have been more sympathetic。 And she has confided to me since that it was seeing me in my oiled condition that really turned the scale。 What I mean is； she made up her mind to save me from myself。 You know how some girls are。 Angels absolutely！ Always on the look out to pluck brands from the burning； and what not。 You may take it from me that the good seed was definitely sown that night。〃
〃Is that your recipe； then？ You would advise the would…be bridegroom to buy a case of champagne and a wedding licence and get to work？ After that it would be all over except sending out the invitations？〃
Reggie shook his head。
〃Not at all。 You need a lot more than that。 That's only the start。 You've got to follow up the good work； you see。 That's where a number of chappies would slip up； and I'm pretty certain I should have slipped up myself； but for another singularly rummy occurrence。 Have you ever had a what…do…you…call it？ What's the word I want？ One of those things fellows get sometimes。〃
〃Headaches？〃 hazarded George。
〃No； no。 Nothing like that。 I don't mean anything you getI mean something you get； if you know what I mean。〃
〃Measles？〃
〃Anonymous letter。 That's what I was trying to say。 It's a most extraordinary thing； and I can't understand even now where the deuce they came from； but just about then I started to get a whole bunch of anonymous letters from some chappie unknown who didn't sign his name。〃
〃What you mean is that the letters were anonymous；〃 said George。
〃Absolutely。 I used to get two or three a day sometimes。 Whenever I went up to my room； I'd find another waiting for me on the dressing…table。〃
〃Offensive？〃
〃Eh？〃
〃Were the letters offensive？ Anonymous letters usually are。〃
〃These weren't。 Not at all； and quite the reverse。 They contained a series of perfectly topping tips on how a fellow should proceed who wants to get hold of a girl。〃
〃It sounds as though somebody had been teaching you ju…jitsu by post。〃
〃They were great！ Real red…hot stuff straight from the stable。 Priceless tips like 'Make yourself indispensable to her in little ways'； 'Study her tastes'； and so on and so forth。 I tell you； laddie； I pretty soon stopped worrying about who was sending them to me； and concentrated the old bean on acting on them。 They worked like magic。 The last one came yesterday morning； and it was a topper！ It was all about how a chappie who was nervous should proceed。 Technical stuff； you know； about holding her hand and telling her you're lonely and being sincere and straightforward and letting your heart dictate the rest。 Have you ever asked for one card when you wanted to fill a royal flush and happened to pick out the necessary ace？ I did once； when I was up at Oxford； and； by Jove； this letter gave me just the same thrill。 I didn't hesitate。 I just sailed in。 I was cold sober； but I didn't worry about that。 Something told me I couldn't lose。 It was like having to hole out a three…inch putt。 Andwell； there you are； don't you know。〃 Reggie became thoughtful。 〃Dash it all！ I'd like to know who the fellow was who sent me those letters。 I'd like to send him a wedding…present or a bit of the cake or something。 Though I suppose there won't be any cake； seeing the thing's taking place at a registrar's。〃
〃You could buy a bun；〃 suggested George。
〃Well； I shall never know； I suppose。 And now how about trickling forth？ I say； laddie； you don't object if I sing slightly from time to time during the journey？ I'm so dashed happy； you know。〃
〃Not at all； if it's not against the traffic regulations。〃
Reggie wandered aimlessly about the room in an ecstasy。
〃It's a rummy thing；〃 he said meditatively； 〃I've just remembered that； when I was at school； I used to sing a thing called the what's…it's…name's wedding song。 At house…suppers； don't you know； and what not。 Jolly little thing。 I daresay you know it。 It starts 'Ding dong！ Ding dong！' or words to that effect； 'Hurry along！ For it is my wedding…morning！' I remember you had to stretch out the 'mor' a bit。 Deuced awkward； if you hadn't laid in enough breath。 'The Yeoman's Wedding…Song。' That was it。 I knew it was some chappie or other's。 And it went on 'And the bride in something or other is doing something I can't recollect。' Well； what I mean is； now it's my wedding…morning！ Rummy； when you e to think of it； what？ Well； as it's getting tolerable late； what about it？ Shift ho？〃
〃I'm ready。 Would you like me to bring some rice？〃
〃Thank you； laddie； no。 Dashed dangerous stuff； rice！ Worse than shrapnel。 Got your hat？ All set？〃
〃I'm waiting。〃
〃Then let the revels mence；〃 said Reggie。 〃Ding dong！ Ding Dong！ Hurry along！ For it is my wedding…morning！ And the bride Dash it； I wish I could remember what the bride was doing！〃
〃Probably writing you a note to say that she's changed her mind； and it's all off。〃
〃Oh； my God！〃 exclaimed Reggie。 〃e on！〃
CHAPTER 21。
Mr。 and Mrs。 Reginald Byng； seated at a table in the corner of the Regent Grill…Room； gazed fondly into each other's eyes。 George； seated at the same table； but feeling many miles away； watched them moodily； fighting to hold off a depression which； cured for a while by the exhilaration of the ride in Reggie's racing…car （it had beaten its previous record for the trip to London by nearly twenty minutes）； now threatened to return。 The gay scene； the ecstasy of Reggie； the more restrained but equally manifest happiness of his bridethese things induced melancholy in George。 He had not wished to attend the wedding…lunch； but the happy pair seemed to be revolted at the idea that he should stroll off and get a bite to eat somewhere else。