He awoke to the touch of cool relief on his forehead。 His head was in Mhoram's lap； and the Lord was gently spreading hurtloam over his cut brow。
He could already feel the effect of the mud。 A soothing caress spread from his forehead into the muscles of his face； relaxing the tension which gripped his features。 Drowsiness welled up in him as the healing earth unfettered him； anodyned the restless bondage of his spirit。 Though his weariness； he saw the trap of his delusion winding about him。 With as much supplication as he could put into his voice； he said to Mhoram； 〃Get me out of here。〃
The Lord seemed to understand。 He nodded firmly； then got to his feet； lifting Covenant with him。 Without a word to the Council； he turned his back and went up the stairs； half carrying Covenant out of the Close。
FOUR： 〃May Be Lost〃
COVENANT hardly heard the shutting of the great doors behind him； he was hardly conscious of his surroundings at all。 His attention was focused inward on the hurtloam's progress。 It seemed to spread around his skull and down his flesh； soothing as it radiated within him。 It made his skin tingle； and the sensation soon covered his face and neck。 He scrutinized it as if it were a poison he had taken to end his life。
When the touch of the loam reached past the base of his throat into his chest； he stumbled； and could not recover。 Bannor took his other arm。 The Lord and the Bloodguard carried him on through the stone city； working generally upward through the interlocking levels of Lord's Keep。 At last； they brought him to a spacious suite of living quarters。 Gently； they bore him into the bedroom； laid him on the bed； and undressed him enough to make him fortable。
Then Mhoram bent close to him and said reassuringly； 〃；This is the power of the hurtloam。 When it works upon a dire wound； it brings a deep sleep to speed healing。 You will rest well now。 You have done without rest too long。〃 He and Bannor turned to go。
But Covenant could feel the cool； tingling touch near his heart。 Weakly； he called Mhoram back。 He was full of dread； he could not bear to be alone。 Without caring what he said…seeking only to keep Mhoram near him…he asked； 〃Why did that…dukkha attack me？〃
Again； Lord Mhoram appeared to understand。 He brought a wooden stool near the head of the bed； and seated himself there。 In a quiet； steady voice； he said；
〃That is a searching question； my friend。 Dukkha has been tormented out of all recognition； and I can only guess at the sore impulses which drive it。 But you must remember that it is a Waynhim。 For many generations after the Desecration； when the new Lords began their work at Revelstone； the Waynhim served the Land…not out of allegiance to the Lords； but rather out of their desire to expiate to the Land for the dangerous works and dark lore of the ur…viles。 Such a creature still lives； somewhere far within dukkha。 Despite what has been done to it…even if its soul has been enslaved by the power of the Stone； so that now it serves the Despiser…it still remembers what it was； and hates what it is。 That is Lord Foul's way in all things…to force his foes to bee that which they most hate； and to destroy that which they； most love。
〃My friend； this is not pleasant to say。 But it is in my heart that dukkha attacked you because you refuse to aid the Land。 The Waynhim knows the might you possess…it is of the Demondim； and in all likelihood prehends more of the uses and power of white gold than any Lord。 Now it is in pain too great to allow it to understand you。 The last remnant of itself saw dimly that you…that you refuse。 For a moment； it became its former self enough to act。
〃Ah； ur…Lord。 You have said that the Land is a dream for you…and that you fear to be made mad But madness is not the only danger in dreams。 There is also the danger that something may be lost which can never be regained。〃
Covenant sighed。 The Lord had given him an explanation he could grasp。 But when Mhoram's steady voice stopped； he felt how much he needed it…how close he was to the brink of some precipice which appalled him。 He reached a hand outward； into the void around him； and felt his fingers clasped firmly in Mhoram's。 He tried once more to make himself understood。
〃She was my wife；〃 he breathed。 〃She needed me She…she'll never forgive me for doing this to her。〃
He was so exhausted that he could no longer see Mhoram's face。 But as he ran out of consciousness； he felt the Lord's unfaltering hold on his hand。 Mhoram's care forted him； and he slept。
Then he hung under a broad sky of dreams； measurable only by the strides of stars。 Out of the dim heavens； a succession of dark shapes seemed to hover and strike。 Like carrion； he was helpless to fend them off。 But always a hand gripped his and consoled him。 It anchored him until he returned to consciousness。
Without opening his eyes； he lay still and probed himself tentatively； as if he were testing buboes。 He was enfolded from his chest down in soft clean sheets。 And he could feel the fabric with his toes。 The cold numbness of dead nerves was gone from them； warmed away by a healing glow which reached into the marrow of his bones。
The change in his fingers was even 'more obvious。 His right fist was knotted in the sheets。 When he moved his fingers； he could feel the texture of the cloth with their tips。 The grip on his left hand was so hard that he could feel the pulse in his knuckles。
But nerves do not regenerate…cannot
Damnation！ he groaned。 The sensation of touch prodded his heart like fear。 Involuntarily； he whispered； 〃No。 No。〃 But his tone was full of futility。
〃Ah； my friend；〃 Mhoram sighed； 〃your dreams have been full of such refusals。 But I do not understand them。 I hear in your breathing that you have resisted your own healing。 And the oute is obscure to me。 I cannot tell whether your denials have brought you to good or ill。〃
Covenant looked up into Mhoram's sympathetic face。 The Lord still sat beside the bed； his iron…shod staff leaned against the wall within easy reach of his hand。 But now there were no torches in the room。 Sunlight poured through a large oriel beside the bed。
Mhoram's gaze made Covenant acutely conscious of their clasped hands。 Carefully； he extricated his fingers。 Then he propped himself up on his elbows； and asked how long he had been asleep。 His rest after the shouting he had done in the Close made his voice rattle harshly in his throat。
〃It is now early afternoon；〃 Mhoram replied。 〃The summoning was performed in the evening yesterday。〃
〃Have you been here…all that time？〃
The Lord smiled。 〃No。 During the night How shall I say it？ I was called away。 High Lord Elena sat with you in my absence。〃 After a moment； he added； 〃She will speak with you this evening； if you are willing。〃 Covenant did not respond。 The mention of Elena reawakened his outrage and fear at the act which had pelled him into the Land。 He thought of the summoning as her doing； it was her voice which had snatched him away from Joan。 Joan！ he wailed。 To a cover his distress； he climbed out of bed； gathered up his clothes； and went in search of a place to wash himself。
In the next room； he found a stone basin and tub j connected to a series of balanced stone valves which allowed him to run water where he wanted it。 He filled ； the basin。 When he put his hands into the water； its sharp chill thrilled the new vitality of his nerves。 Angrily； he thrust his head down into the water； and did not raise it until the cold began to make the bones of his skull hurt。 Then he went and stood dripping over a warm pot of graveling near the tub。
While the glow of the fire…stones dried him； he silenced the aching of his heart。 He was a leper； and knew down to the core of his skeleton the vital importance of recognizing facts。 Joan was lost to him； that was a fact； like his disease； beyond any possibility of change。 She would bee angry when he did not speak to her； and would hang up； thinking that he had deliberately rebuffed her appeal； her proud； brave effort to bridge the loneliness between them。 And he could do nothing about it。 He was trapped in his delusion again。 If he meant to survive； he could not afford the luxury of