This bizarre; fallacious tale has not been made any more palatable by the introduction of a different narrator。
Nor has the narrative pined any credibility by its claims that events in our 110…planet confederacy were caused by a stupid; nonexistent race of people from a planet that sounds more like a lunatic asylum than anything else。
The position of the Crown is firmer than ever。
The planet Earth does not exist!
Lord Invay
Royal Historian
Chairman; Board of Censors
Royal Palace
Voltar Confederacy
By Order of
His Imperial Majesty
Wully the Wise
Voltarian Translator's Preface
Hi there!
This is your translator; 54 Charlee Nine。 How are you?
Lord Invay may not take kindly to having a new narrator but it's sure easier for me。 Monte Pennwell speaks only Voltarian。 I'm programmed for any language; but there does seem to be a scarcity of information on the languages they speak on this nonexistent Earth。
I have updated your Key to this book and it follows。
Sincerely;
54 Charlee Nine
Robotbrain in the Translatophone
Key to VILLAINY VICTORIOUS
Afyon…City in Turkey where the Apparatus has a secret mountain base。
Agnes; Miss…Personal aide to Delbert John Rockecenter。
Apparatus; Coordinated Information…The secret police of Voltar; headed by Lombar Hisst and manned by criminals。 Their symbol is an inverted paddle which; because it looks like a bottle; earned its members the name 〃drunks。〃
Balmor…Butler to Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak on Earth。
Bang…Bang…An ex…marine demolitions expert and member of the Babe Corleone mob。
Barben; I。 G。…Pharmaceutical pany controlled by Delbert John Rockecenter。
Bawteh…Soltan Gris's chief clerk on Voltar。
Bittlestiffender; Prahd…Voltarian cellologist that Sol…tan Gris brought to Earth to operate a hospital in Afyon。 (See Cellology。)
Blito…P3…Voltarian designation for a planet known locally as Earth。 It is the third planet (P3) of a yellow…dwarf star known as Blito。
Blixo…Apparatus freighter; piloted by Captain Bolz; that makes regular runs between Earth and Voltar。 The voyage takes about six weeks each way。
Bluebottles…Nickname given to the Domestic Police of Voltar。
Blueflash…A bright blue flash of light used to produce unconsciousness。 It is usually used by Voltarian ships before landing in an area that is possibly populated。
Bolz…See Blixo。
Bury…Delbert John Rockecenter's most powerful attorney。 His favorite pastime is feeding white mice to snakes。
Caucalsia; Prince…According to a folk legend; he fled Manco during the Great Rebellion and set up a colony on Blito…P3 that became known as Atlantis。
Cellology…Voltarian medical science that can repair the body through the cellular generation of tissues; including entire body parts。
Code Break…Violation of the Space Code that prohibits disclosing that one is an alien。 Penalty is death to the offender (s) and any native (s) so alerted。
Coordinated Information Apparatus…See Apparatus。
Corleone…A Mafia family headed by Babe; a former Roxy chorus girl and widow of 〃Holy Joe。〃
Crobe; Doctor…Apparatus cellologist who worked in Spiteos。 He delights in making human freaks。
Drunks…See Apparatus。
Endow; Lord…Head of the Exterior Division。
Epstein; Izzy…Financial expert and anarchist hired by Jettero Heller to set up and run several corporations。
Exterior Division…That part of the Voltarian government that reportedly contained the Apparatus。
Faht Bey…Turkish name of the mander of the secret Apparatus base in Afyon; Turkey。
Faustino 〃The Noose〃 Narcotici…Head of a Mafia family that is the underworld outlet for drugs from I。 G。 Barben。
F。 F。 B。 O。…Fatten; Farten; Burstein and Ooze; the largest advertising/public relations firm on Earth。 J。 Walter Madison works for them。
Fleet…The elite space fighting arm of Voltar to which Jettero Heller belongs and which the Apparatus despises。
G。 C。…See Grand Council
Gracious Palms…The elegant whorehouse where Jettero Heller resided when first in New York City。 It is; across from the United Nations and is operated by the Corleone family。
Grafferty; 〃Bulldog〃…A crooked New York City police inspector。
Grand Council…The governing body of Voltar; which ordered a mission to keep Earth from destroying itself so it could be conquered on schedule per the Invasion Timetable。
Gris; Soltan…Apparatus officer placed in charge of Blito…P3 (Earth) section and an enemy of Jettero Heller。
Heller; Hightee…The most beautiful and popular entertainer in the Voltar Confederacy。 She is also Jettero's sister。
Heller; Jettero…bat engineer and Royal officer of the Fleet; sent with Gris on Mission Earth where he is operating under the name of Jerome Terrance Wister。
Hisst; Lombar…Head of the Apparatus; his plan to overthrow the Voltar Confederacy required sending Soltan Gris to sabotage Jettero Heller's mission。
〃Holy Joe〃…See Corleone。
Hot Jolt…A popular Voltarian drink。
Invasion Timetable…A schedule of galactic conquest。
The plans and budget of every section of Voltar's government must adhere to it。 Bequeathed by Voltar's ancestors hundreds of thousands of years ago; it is inviolate and sacred and the guiding dogma of the Confederacy。
Joy; Miss…See Countess Krak。
Krak; Countess…Condemned murderess; former prisoner of Spiteos; a nonperson and the sweetheart of Jettero Heller。 On Earth; she is known as Heavenly Joy Krackle or 〃Miss Joy。〃
Madison; J。 Walter…Fired from F。 F。 B。 O。 when his style of public relations caused the president of Patagonia to mit suicide; he was rehired by Bury to immortalize Jettero Heller in the media。 He is also known as 〃J。 Warbler Madman。〃
Manco…Home planet of Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak。
Maysabongo…Jettero Heller was made a representative of this small African nation。 Izzy Epstein made some of Heller's businesses Maysabongo corporations。
Mister Calico…A calico cat that was trained by the Countess Krak。
Mortiiy; Prince…Leader of a rebel group on the planet Calabar。
Mudur Zengin…Financial czar of the biggest banking chain in Turkey and handler of Soltan Gris's funds。
Odur…See Oh Dear。
Oh Dear…Nickname for Odur。 With Too…Too; forced by Soltan Gris to get information on Voltar and courier it to him on Earth。
Peace; Miss…Secretary to Delbert John Rockecenter。
Pokantickle…The New York estate of Delbert John Rockecenter。
Rockecenter; Delbert John…Native of Earth who controls the planet's fuel; finance; governments and drugs。
Simmons; Miss…An antinuclear fanatic。
Snelz…Platoon mander at Spiteos who befriended Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak when they were prisoners there。
Spiteos…On Voltar; the secret fortress prison of the Apparatus。
Swindle and Crouch…Law firm representing Delbert John Rockecenter。
Tayl; Widow…Nymphomaniac on Voltar。
Teenie…Earth teen…ager who kept seducing Soltan Gris。 He shipped her to Voltar to get rid of her。
Too…Too…Nickname for Twolah。 He and Oh Dear were forced by Soltan Gris to get information on Voltar and courier it secretly back to him on Earth。
Twoey…Nickname given to Delbert John Rockecenter II。 Twolah…See Too…Too。
Utanc…A belly dancer that Gris bought to be his concubine slave。
Voltar…Home planet and seat of the 110…world confederacy that was established over 125;000 years ago。 Voltar is ruled by the Emperor through the Grand Council in accordance with the Invasion Timetable。
Wister; Jerome Terrance…Name that Jettero Heller is using on Earth。
PART SEVENTY…ONE
TO: BIOGRAPHICS PUBLISHING PANY MERCIAL CITY PLANET VOLTAR
GENTLEMEN!
I am thoroughly delighted with the agreements that we have reached。 I can assure you that our names will be mutually and eternally emblazoned in history。
I could not believe that my government would ever lie to me。 I had no idea that anyone would seek a 〃cover…up。〃 That was why I was so shocked to discover that they have deleted; changed and destroyed records so that no one would learn the existence of this single planet called Earth。
Why would they want to deny the existence of a minor planet that is a mere 221/2 light…years away?
Ah; that's the story that I am so arduously and so faithfully writing!
So that you may better appreciate my achievement; I am sending what I have pleted thus far and will continue to write。 I mailed the first part to you earlier。 L
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