ence； not her charm； not her laughter。 A mere picture was so inadequate； but still it was Michelle。 Still。 Chrissie's photo had been snapped at a Post Christmas party for children of the paper's employees。 She was caught in a grin； eyes shining。 How they shone。 And little Nina； who sometimes wanted it pronounced Neen…ah and other times nine…ah； was smiling that slightly lopsided smile that seemed to say she knew magical secrets。
Her smile reminded Joe of a silly song he sometimes sang to her when he put her to bed。 Before he realized what he was doing； he found his breath again and heard himself whispering the words： 'Nine…ah； Neen…ah…have you seen her？ Neen…ah； nine…ah； no one finah。'
A breaking inside him threatened his self…control。
He clicked the mouse to get their images off the screen。 But that didn't take their faces out of his mind； clearer than he had seen them since packing their photos away。
Bending forward in the chair； covering his face； shuddering； he muffled his voice in his cold hands。 'Oh； shit。 Oh； shit。'
Surf breaking on a beach； now as before； tomorrow as today。 Clocks and looms。 Sunrises； sunsets； phases of the moon。 Machines clicking； ticking。 Eternal rhythms； meaningless motions。
The only sane response is indifference。
He lowered his hands from his face。 Sat up straight again。 Tried to focus on the puter screen。
He was concerned that he would draw attention to himself。 If an old acquaintance looked in this three…walled cubicle to see what was wrong； Joe might have to explain what he was doing here； might even have to summon the strength to be sociable。
He found the passenger manifest for which he had been searching。 The Post had saved him time and effort by listing separately those among the dead who had lived in Southern California。 He printed out all their names； each of which was followed by the name of the town in which the deceased resided。
I'm not ready to talk to you yet the photographer of graves had said to him； from which he had inferred that she would have things to tell him later。
Don't despair。 You'll see； like the others。
See what？ He had no idea。
What could she possibly tell him that would alleviate his despair？ Nothing。 Nothing。
like the others。 You'll see； like the others。
What others？
Only one answer satisfied him： other people who had lost loved ones on Flight 353； who had been as desolate as he was； people to whom she had already spoken。
He wasn't going to wait for her to return to him。 With Wallace Blick and associates after her； she might not live long enough to pay him a visit and quench his curiosity。
When Joe finished sorting and stapling the printouts； he noticed the white envelope that Dewey Beemis had given him at the elevator downstairs。 Joe had propped it against a box of Kleenex to the right of the puter and promptly forgotten about it。
As a crime reporter with a frequently seen byline； he had from time to time received story tips from newspaper readers who； to put it charitably； were not well glued together。 They earnestly claimed to be the terrified victims of vicious harassment by a secret cult of Satanists operating in the city's parks department； or to know of sinister tobacco…industry executives who were plotting to lace baby formula with nicotine； or to be living across the street from a nest of spiderlike extraterrestrials trying to pass as a nice family of Korean immigrants。
Once； when cornered by a pinwheel…eyed man who insisted that the mayor of Los Angeles was not human but a robot controlled by the audio animatronics department at Disneyland； Joe had lowered his voice and said； with nervous sincerity； 'Yes； we've known about that for years。 But if we print a word of it； the people at Disney will kill us all。' He had spoken with such conviction that the nutball had exploded backward and fled。
Consequently； he was expecting a crayon…scrawled message about evil psychic Martians living among us as Mormons…or the equivalent。
He tore open the envelope。 It contained a single sheet of white paper folded in thirds。
The three neatly typed sentences initially impressed him as a singularly cruel variation on the usual paranoid shriek： I have been trying to reach you； Joe。 My life depends on your discretion。 I was aboard Flight 353。
Everyone aboard the airliner had perished。 He didn't believe in ghost mail from the Other Side； which probably made him unique among his contemporaries in this New…Age City of Angels。
At the bottom of the page was a name： Rose Tucker。 Under the name was a phone number with a Los Angeles area code。 No address was provided。
Lightly flushed by the same anger that had burned so hotly in him earlier； and which could easily bee a blaze again； Joe almost snatched up the phone to call Ms。 Tucker。 He wanted to tell her what a disturbed and vicious piece of garbage she was； wallowing in her schizophrenic fantasies； psychic vampire sucking on the misery of others to feed some sick need of her own …And then he heard； in memory； the words that Wallace Blick first said to him in the cemetery。 Unaware that anyone was in the white van； Joe had leaned through the open passenger door and popped the glove box in search of a cellular phone。 Blick； briefly mistaking him for one of the men in the Hawaiian shirts； had said； Did you get Rose？
Rose。
Because Joe had been frightened by the gunmen； afraid for the woman they were pursuing； and startled to discover someone in the van； the importance of what Blick said had failed to register with him。 Everything happened so fast after that。 He had forgotten Blick's words until now。
Rose Tucker must have been the woman with the Polaroid camera； photographing the graves。
If she was nothing more than a whacked…out loser living in some schizophrenic fantasy； Medsped or Teknologik…or whoever the hell they were…wouldn't be throwing so much manpower and money into a search for her。
He remembered the exceptional presence of the woman in the cemetery。 Her directness。 Her self…possession and preternatural calm。 The power of her unwavering stare。
She hadn't seemed like a flake。 Quite the opposite。
I have been trying to reach you； Joe。 My life depends on your discretion。 I was aboard Flight 353。
Without realizing that he had gotten off the chair； Joe was standing； heart pounding； electrified。 The sheet of paper rattled in his hands。
He stepped into the aisle behind the modular workstation and surveyed what he could see of the subdivided newsroom； seeking someone with whom he could share this development。
Look here。 Read this； read it。 Something's terribly wrong； Jesus； all wrong； not what we were told。 Somebody walked away from the crash； lived through it。 We have to do something about this； find the truth。 No survivors； they said； no survivors； catastrophic crash； total wipe…out catastrophic crash。 What else have they told us that isn't true？ How did the people on that plane really die？ Why did they die？ Why did they die？
Before anyone saw him standing there in furious distress； before he went in search of a familiar face； Joe had second thoughts about sharing anything he had learned。 Rose Tucker's note said that her life depended on his discretion。
Besides； he had the crazy notion； somehow more powerfully convincing because of its irrationality； that if he shared the note with others； it would prove to be blank； that if he pressed Blick's driver's license into their hands； it would turn out to be his own license； that if he took someone with him to the cemetery； there would be no spent cartridges in the grass and no skid marks from the tyres of the white van and no one there who had ever seen the vehicle or heard the gunshots。
This was a mystery delivered to him； to no one else but him； and he suddenly perceived that pursuing answers was not merely his duty but his sacred duty。 In the resolution of this mystery was his mission； his purpose； and perhaps an unknowable redemption。
He didn't even understand precisely what he meant by any of that。 He simply felt the truth of it bone…deep。
Trembling； he returned to the chair。